Life Lessons From A Toddler

Recently my land niece has been spending a lot of time in my compound. Her mom got a new job, so she has been at our house and in my compound every day for the past about week and most of the evenings until one of her parents comes to fetch her. The sense of community is such that everyone in the compound watches out for her, not just her blood family, although she tends to entertain herself or play with the other toddlers and babies that live in my extended compound. I teach morning shift this week, so I leave before she gets to my house, but when I come home after class she has been here with a smile on her face when I walk through the door and then proceeds to keep me company both in my room and when I am inevitably invited out to buna, sewa, and/or food by the adults in my compound.

I have come to discover that entertaining toddlers for more than about 30 minutes is exhausting (shout out to all the parents out there!), but I have also come to learn some valuable life lessons from this 2.5 year old. And I think in all honesty, we could all use a little education from the children of the world.

Patience: As the saying goes, “Patience is a virtue.” Well, that’s something I learn everyday over here, and not just from Meeran. I learn it everyday from my students, to strangers on the street, to dealing with iffy network, power, and water. But toddlers tend to try your patience more than most. They don’t understand social and body cues that adults catch, which means that unless you are very strict with them, they will continue their behavior, and even then they might not listen. She loves playing with my Ethiopian phone and iPhone and looking at pictures, which keeps her entertained, until she tries to delete things without realizing or meaning to. When I try to take it away from her, she begins to cry. Not in a spoiled sort of way, but she just doesn’t understand. She will also stand outside my door repeating my name, which is adorable the first 10 times, but not so much when I’m actually trying to be productive. It’s the little things that might bug me, but continuously show me that patience is a virtue, and remind me to breath in and out.

Persistence: As I said in the above paragraph, this little one has some persistence. I don’t think she means to, it’s just in her brain to continue whatever she enjoys doing, which she doesn’t realize can interfere with how “grown ups” are running their lives. However, she has shown me that persistence really can work. Whether someone gives in just because they get so annoyed they want you to stop, or whether someone realizes how passionate you are about something, persistence can help you achieve a goal—whether it’s something like scheduling a meeting with someone, wanting to view pictures on a phone, or getting help on a project, or many other things in life.

Curiosity: I remember when I was younger wanting to learn all about the world. Although I was never a super out-doorsy child I did walk around and point to every living thing at one point and ask what it was. I know the big question adults’ dread is when their kids reach the age of “Why?” Children ask that all the time, but I think as adults we need to have the same curiosity. Children ask because they genuinely want to learn about the world around them, not necessarily for some big and important meaning like adults tend to. But when they show that curiosity, they begin to understand how and why things work and happen and can apply that to their lives. Toddlers ask “Why?” and “What?” a lot more than adults. As we grow up we might still have the same curiousity but not voice it because we afraid we are too annoying to someone else, but children don’t have that worry. Meeran asks me this constantly, and I can’t answer because I don’t speak Tigrinya well enough. But hearing her ask me that every 5 seconds reminds me that curiosity about the world and life is something that I should have more of, because there is so much to learn and try to understand.

Comfort: Children tend to give comfort without even realizing it. They have such an innocence about them, that when you need a smile, they can give you one without shedding their own. On many of the days I have been greeted by the smile of a toddler or child on the street or in my house it’s been a day where I have been wearing a frown of frustration or sadness. I might have had a long day, but the simple act of having a toddler sit on your lap, make faces at you, or give you a hug can be enough to make you smile from ear to ear and leave you going to sleep happier than a few hours before. This is also shown by the love of her mom and dad, her aunt, and the multitude of other adults that watch over her. Whenever she gets down and starts to cry, they are right there to pick her up, rock her, and get her to stop crying by comfort or humor. She doesn’t realize yet how important those relationships are, but they are something I crave now that I am older. We could all use toddlers as an example of how to comfort someone who is having a hard time—not by crawling into their laps or even through physical contact (although a hug can be extremely helpful), but sometimes a kind word or even something as simple as a smile is the comfort a friend, family member, or stranger on the street needs.

Love: Love is a word that is used a lot for many different relationships. I have come to learn that love is something you feel for someone else when they are there for you through everything, no matter the time or distance. Ethiopian communities are full of love, and so are children around the world. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the bond of family while here, especially missing my own family so much. And I think Meeran shows love more than most. The younger you are, the more you show and feel love, the more you wear your heart on your sleeve, and the more you let love win over anger and hate. I can feel the love she has for her parents, her aunts, her uncles, and me whenever she smiles, whenever she hugs me or them, and whenever she whispers “I love you” like her parents have taught her to say. I don’t think you need to “love” everyone around you, but I think the world would be a much happier place if everyone decided that they deserve love and are capable of it. Then take that and show the people around them their feelings, because even though showing your love without any wall is difficult and puts you in a place of vulnerability, I think the world needs more unconditional love, which is what toddlers and children show every day.

Joy: Joy is a human emotion that spans every age, gender, race, and location in the world. I think joy is just shown more by children, because they tend to find even the smallest things full of fun and happiness. Children here will play with a tire or a piece of wire for hours on end and smile just as much as when they started. Meeran laughs and smiles at absolutely everything and I can just tell that she is enjoying the world around her much more than the adults surrounding her at buna, including myself. I have been trying to find the little things that make me happy recently instead of concentrating on the hardships, and spending so much time with children has helped that, because they find almost everything to be fun and full of joy. I’m not saying they are happy all the time, because Meeran cries quite often, but she bounces back as soon as I start making a funny face at her, or until her mom hugs her. She played for hours with a punch balloon I brought back from the States, and her joy was evident on her face. I think we all need to take a page from Meeran and other kids and remember to find joy in the little things, because happiness is all around us.

I try not to watch the news, even when I get the opportunity, because it just makes me sad. Seeing so many stories of adults who hurt others on purpose make me wonder what happened to them in the past to tell them it is ok to think like that. As Nelson Mandela once said, “I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite… Man’s goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never extinguished.” And I believe that to be true, even with everything awful that is happening in the world. Children are innocent, but I think they also understand more about treating each other with kindness and love, and as we grow older we begin to forget that.

I have spent a great deal of time with children in the States teaching them and here with the children in my community, and I have come to learn more about life, the world around me, and how to treat others through watching them interact with each other and the world as a whole. Children, especially toddlers approach life with a curiosity, a passion, unconditional love, acceptance, and joy that I think we all could take a lesson from to apply to our own lives. Only by reverting back to some of what we valued in childhood can I think our world become a better place.