Readjusting back.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard"- Winnie The Pooh.
With expected tears and a lot of deep breaths I left my home of the past 2 years this morning. My life in Adwa might have had many difficult moments, but I learned so much about myself and the world, and I'm ever grateful for the service I had, the people I met, and the place I came to call my own <3

The above quote came up on my Facebook “On This Day” a year ago. I had packed my bags absolutely full to the brims (and over the weight limit, I found out at the airport), I had eaten my last meals at my favorite restaurants in town, I had a coffee ceremony prepared for me by a student, I had celebrated a major Tigray holiday the day before with lots of food, family, pictures, and gifts, and I had said goodbye to one of my land ladies the day before when she left for Addis.



A year ago- I woke up to a completely empty room, besides the furniture my land family had lent me. I woke up before the sun, to get a bajaj to take me to a van, to take me to the airport where I would spend a couple of days in Addis before leaving the country. Leaving Ethiopia was difficult, but my connection to the country didn’t come in the capitol, it came from my town. Leaving that and those people who were my family was the hardest thing.

When I left Albuquerque, New Mexico and my blood family at the airport 2 years prior it was more difficult than words can express, but I knew I would still connect with them. I knew I would see them in a year or two. I knew that their worlds would stay about the same.

Leaving Adwa was different. I didn’t know when I would see them again, I didn’t know if they would be able to stay safe and if their lives would change. And I didn’t know whether I would be able to connect with them. I had an easier time leaving than some of my fellow G11 group members. Because of political turmoil they were evacuated from their sites, and couldn’t return to say goodbye. Saying goodbye was hard, but I got my proper goodbyes. Many of them didn’t.

I bawled when I hugged my compound family goodbye. I held back tears on every step of the plane ride back to Addis. I became more stable as I spent my last days with my Peace Corps friends laughing and drinking (oops). But then leaving the country I felt both extreme joy and sadness. Joy to see my family again and eat all the food, sadness to be leaving this place I called home for 2 years.

Having been home a year I am still trying to figure out where I belong and what I should be doing. My other friends have gotten promotions, moved, gotten married, and had babies. That’s what seems to be acceptable in someone’s 20’s. Not to say that’s not bad. My friends are all very happy. That life just isn’t for me.

When I say I did Peace Corps, everyone gets really excited to find out where I was and what I did, but that’s about as far as the conversations go. Maybe I can get a funny comment in there or a silly story, before their eyes start to glaze over. That’s what all my fellow Returned Peace Corps Volunteers face.

In the few years when we return, we are all faced with how to talk about our experience and service without boring the person listening, or without getting too emotional. We are faced with how to talk about everything we did in a line or two of a resume, and try to tie what we faced/how we dealt/how that would help us be effective in a job, in a cover letter.


This is difficult. Working abroad for any length of time is difficult. Coming back is harder. Readjusting and finding your place is harder.

Getting Facebook “On This Day” notifications, when it says “3 years ago, 2 years ago, a year ago” and it shows your status about a frustrating day, or a love-filled day, breaks my heart. When it shows a smiling or silly face selfie photo, or when it pops up with an old blog that you were really proud of. These are my difficult moments.

I miss the sense of community, the sense of calm, the sense of love. I miss 3-hour long coffee ceremonies every day, or playing soccer with random kids in my neighborhood, or a waitress knowing your breakfast order, or going to the same woman in market for veggies every week, for a land lady who feeds you food when the power goes out, of my students who drew me pictures to bring back to America, and the post office guys who stopped me on the street to tell me I had mail.



Whenever I miss that I want to get on a plane and fly back. But then I remember that not everything was sunshine and roses. That I had plenty of harassment, plenty of annoyances, plenty of down and out moments, that I wanted to come back here.

So- what’s all this rambling about? That the grass is always greener on the other side. Do I want to go back to visit, yes I do. Do I want to go back to live? Not necessarily. Adjusting back is extremely difficult—that’s been established by everyone who has ever lived abroad. It’s hard to find things in common with people you were close to before, it’s hard to find joy in things you did before, and you have a new sense of what’s really difficult and what’s trivial.

But I have to remind myself, that no matter what—my time in Ethiopia was worth it. The people are forever engrained in my heart. I made friendships with other Peace Corps Volunteers and Ethiopians. That will never change, even when I’m having a difficult time here. And that even if I can’t connect with the people I did before, I found a new group of people which I can talk to and commiserate with about our lives before, or lives there, and how to deal with being back.



As I have said again and again. Thank you. Yikanyalay. Yikanylay to Adwa. To my students, my Nigste Saba teachers, my counterpart, my land family, the kids that knew my name and would fist bump me, the waitresses that knew my order, the post office guys, and everyone who made me feel at home. Bizu, bizu, yikanyalay! <3

I Have A Dream...

People who say that all words hold the same amount of meaning have obviously never been insulted or listened to/read incredibly moving speeches. Words are sounds put together, but those sounds become attached to meaning, and that meaning becomes attached to something bigger. Anyone who has ever been called a name, insulted by words uttered, or felt threatened or hurt by another human knows the power words can have. They have the power to tear groups apart and down, they have the power to change perspectives, to harm livelihoods, and to single out individuals. They also hold the power to build groups and bring people together, to change perspectives, and to help individuals. Words are powerful, and when used properly they can bring about change in a big way [both good and bad].

            Some people know how to string those sounds and words together just right to make us think, reflect, and move. Strong writers and orators hold power that many “regular people” do not. They are called upon when times get tough to bring about perspective. In the age of instant gratification we tweet, post, and send things in the hopes of getting “likes” and feedback in that moment by as many people as possible. However, the greatest inspiration in my opinion comes from sentences that are spread through speaking, listening, and thinking.

            We have many great speechmakers in the world today and with social media and the global world connected so closely, it is easy to hear something inspirational as soon as it is said. Meryl Streep’s speech at the Golden Globes and Barack Obama’s and Michelle Obama’s speeches in the past few years are 2 prime examples of when words spread quickly to bring about quick change. However, we can also look to history to give us some of the most inspirational people who continue to shape how many of us try to live our lives.

            On this Martin Luther King Jr. day I am reminded when I log into Facebook just how many quotes that man said that could be taken any day to make me a better person. He has so many outlooks on life that can be taken every day to inspire people to be kinder, to look past appearances, and to be grateful for what you have. His most famous speech is without a doubt “I have a dream…” Do you think he knew when wrote those 4 words that they would become 4 of the most famous words in American history? Do you think he set out to change American’s views of what our country could be? I don’t think so. I think he was simply writing down his hopes, and yet because of how great of a man and how great of a speechmaker and writer he was, those 4 words changed history in many ways.

            I was always socially aware, but I tended to keep my political and social views and opinions to myself. I surround myself with like-minded people and I know whom I disagreed with, and we would stay off issues. This past year, with everything that has happened in American and in some parts of the world politics, I have found my voice and passion. This post is not about politics persay. However, the fact that 54 years after Martin Luther King Jr. gave a speech talking about how he hoped one day his children would not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character, we are about to have a President who was elected despite basically offending every group possible, continuously using hateful rhetoric to put down and exploit anyone who is not a white, straight, male (and even then, he hasn’t supported them), and who attacked a leading civil rights leader just days before MLK day. Hate crimes since he was elected have risen and many of my friends and just many Americans in general are genuinely worried for their safety and livelihoods, simply because they are different. I don’t know what exactly MLK would say if he saw America right now, but I know he would not be pleased with what he saw.

            This comes after we had our first African American president. This comes after we were moving forward in creating equal rights for people. We still had a long way to go, and there are many things that still needed fixing, but we were headed in the right direction. I take comfort in knowing that a majority of America did not agree with his rhetoric, did not find fear a comfort, and believe that everyone is in fact equal. I take comfort when I go to work with children and see that they play with each other, laugh with each other, and help each other. If they fight it’s because one took away another’s toy, they cry and then they are back to being best friends 10 minutes later. I take comfort in knowing that this generation in school now are global citizens, that they care about the rest of the world and what’s happening, and that they are preparing to be more socially aware than the generations ahead of them. I take comfort in seeing feel-good stories of  “every day people” who genuinely want the world to be a better place, helping others with anything they can, from volunteering to donating money to charities and organizations to just giving a smile and a hug to a stranger or a friend.

            Words and actions both show who a person really is. Not everyone has the power to change the world through their words like MLK, however your words are important to the people around you. And sometimes actions do speak louder than words. MLK and many others were able to change the course of history through speaking, marching, and sitting. They changed perspectives of individuals until enough individuals made groups. That is where we are at now. Your words might not shape the world for the future, but your actions can shape a friends or a strangers’ life. So instead of using your power to hurt someone, try to help them instead. You might not think you have much power, but change comes in ripples and waves, and you could be that. Change comes when someone thinks they have the power and they use that for good.

            Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream that everyone would live together side-by-side peacefully and happily. I don’t know if we will ever get there, and we certainly aren’t there now. Hatred and prejudice is still very much in the world, and it’s not going away any time soon. But even with everything bad he saw, MLK still believed of the good in people and still believed that love overcomes hate. If MLK could stand up for those, even with all the darkness he experienced, then surely we can too. So in the times of darkness, it’s useful to look to inspirational people like Martin Luther King Jr. along with many others. Take their outlook, their actions, and their words and put them into play in your own life. Whether that be marching in a rights march, paying for someone’s food, or just not firing back and being mean when someone is rude to you. Love is more powerful than hate, and right now we need more of it in the world.