Why am I the lucky one?

I often wonder to myself where I would be if I had grown up with different parents, in a different city or state, or if I had been born into a completely different life. This is a not a thought that I really concentrated on when I was younger, for my thoughts generally revolved around my own life; I was not a very philosophical child. I did think about others and their lives, but never in a way where I put myself in their shoes. I saw the news and heard about how others were not as fortunate as me, but I never really connected that to my own life, because I enjoyed my world I lived in and it just didn’t cross my mind that stepping into others shoes would help me grow and expand my own world.

I grew up with parents who valued education and therefore I received an incredible education at good schools with teachers who inspired me in the classroom and out of it to achieve as much as I could while helping others. I grew up with a family that showed me unconditional love, belonging, how to work for what you want, inspiration, acceptance, and strength. I grew up with friends that quickly turned into family, with memories, support, strength, and balance tied together with laughter, tears, heartache, and achievement.

(Taking a cue from the wise Rory Gilmore) I grew up in 2 worlds, fictional and my own. I took to reading from a young age and I would rather escape into a world of words and characters not of my own when I want to take my mind off my current reality. I grew up amongst quirky characters, hidden gems, problems that would be solved by the end of 300 pages. I found homes in the fictional worlds that I longed to be a part of. I, of course, loved my own life, but sometimes an escape was just what I needed to remember the person I wanted to be.

When I went to UNM I went through recruitment, not knowing what was going to happen, and actually being quite stubborn about joining the house I was a legacy at. Turns out becoming a Chi Omega was the best decision I ever could have made. Through my 4 years I made countless friends, bonds, and memories. I became more of the woman I wanted to be, I met girls who are my greatest role models and inspirations, and I found a support system that is only second to my blood family I’m grateful enough to have. I made so many memories, experienced so many things, and I strive to live out the symphony every day.

However, these are all still using the word I, they are all about me. Yes, I was born into an incredibly charmed life. I was brought up in a house where I was constantly told I could be anything, as long as I worked for it. Nothing was handed to me, but it was within my reach because the opportunity was there. As I grew up, I began to realize through exploration and experience that not everyone was as fortunate as me, especially not other girls. Watching the news it occurred to me how few women were in politics, how often females were the victims of news stories, and how beyond my little world I grew up in, females were not being told the same things I was.

Documentaries are meant to tell facts and stories of real people, places, and things. They are made to pull at heartstrings and get those watching them to really think about issues, but feel a certain way about the issues. Recently a lot of documentaries have been coming out about female issues around the world. “Miss Representation”, “Born Into Brothels”, and “Girl Rising” are all powerful films about different parts of life for people around the world, and the issues that girls and women face in male-dominated societies. I watched “Miss Representation” before I came to Ethiopia and it seems to apply more to the Western world. Here the issues of females and how males rule their lives are much less about the media and them having high powered jobs, than them having jobs and rights at all. I watched both “Born Into Brothels” and “Girl Rising” while in Ethiopia and they struck me for different reasons. “Born Into Brothels” is much more about bringing children who are born into unfortunate circumstances out of that, but “Girl Rising” is about female empowerment and how important it is to educate girls.

In my mind, girls’ empowerment, strong female role models, and girls’ education are no brainers. With all the statistics out there about how educating girls can uplift entire communities, economies, and countries it blows my mind that the world still ignores them and sticks to their preconceived ideas of gender. Although there have always been both men and women who stand up for the rights of everyone, recently there seems to have been an upsurge in strong role models and voices for those who don’t seem to have any. I appreciate that fact, but it is sad that many girls and females still remain voiceless. Not to say this is a purely female problem—poverty, ignorance, and awful circumstances are a world problem with men and women. But being a woman, I feel particularly drawn to the plight of the girls with little voices.

I was watching Harry Potter again recently, and although this might seem like a silly and shallow way of looking at a much bigger problem, this world has given us many ways to look at our own world and improve it. I began to notice how many strong female characters there were in these books and movies. Yes, the main character is a male, and yes much of this fictional world is populated with males, but the most dynamic characters and those who are the most supportive are the females. Ron and Harry wouldn’t last two minutes into their adventures in the first book without Hermione, and (although it takes them awhile), they acknowledge that. Hermione is their voice of reason, their brains, their courage, and their rock. Mrs. Weasley is in the traditional female role as mother, but she is a mother who is fiercely protective over her family and will do anything for them. She shows courage in defending them and the world as a whole. Luna is the quirky character who shows loyalty beyond all measure, and wisdom that might not always show, but that comes to help in ways no one else can. Ginny isn’t the damsel in distress, instead she is a girl who can fight along with the boys and just happens to charm Harry while still holding her own. Professor McGonagall is a bad ass that continuously shows readers that wisdom, courage, and strength can grow with age and will always help others.

Hopefully every girl that reads Harry Potter (or even watches the movies) was able to draw strength from the characters that show females in strong roles. There are many other fictional worlds written by females (and males) that give little girls (and older women) a chance to see females that they want to be. I am thankful to have been able to explore them and look up to those characters.

Back to my current reality though, it’s not as pretty of a picture. Sure, in Harry Potter Hermione, Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, McGonagall, Luna, and others are able to grab wands, fight alongside the men, and even upstage them at times. But here in the Muggle world, the females are still in the home and still not given a chance to show their true potential.

As I wrote in my International Women’s Day blog, I have girls who miss class to take care of their siblings, they are the ones falling asleep at their desks and copying furious notes from their friends because they were up late cooking and cleaning. On the street I walk by men surrounding women, laughing but when I look at the girls’ eyes I know they aren’t enjoying the conversation. Not to say that this whole society is bad and that all women are being oppressed. I have met many strong women who are either comfortable where they are, or have broken out of the mold. There are professionals, women who have chosen not to marry, or those raising kids on their own while working.

When I was young I was under the impression that everyone was as lucky as me, but I quickly realized many people weren’t. Girls’ education is still vastly undervalued, with many having to drop out or fail out to get married, take care of the home, or they are just forgotten in the classroom. I have more girls than boys in my classes, but I am aware that by 11^th grade, many of my girls who are bright and cheerful and brilliant in their own ways will be pushed into the home and will not receive the education they need to break a cycle.

Many children were not born into the right family. Both at home and abroad, children grow up in circumstances beyond their control, whether in foster care, on the streets, in abusive homes, or in places like slums and brothels. If parents aren’t educated, they aren’t going to make the best decision for their children, and unless a child has extreme luck, they stay in the same cycle for another generation, no matter how driven, and strong they are. This is the sad reality for much of the world.

Every time I worry about my own life, begin to complain, or get down on my experience, I remember what others are going through and I draw strength from perspective. Don’t take that as I grow with their pain, because every time I think about someone who is struggling more than me I want to help them. Take that as when I think about those who struggle, I have a desire to help them reach their potential. I don’t know how I will do that, and I know I won’t help every child or woman.

I know what women around the world go through. I know the sexual assaults, the fear, the violence, the oppression, and the constant voice saying, “You can’t and you won’t”. I watch the news, I hear stories, and I see it with my own eyes and hear it with my own ears. I have been lucky enough to have never experienced anything more than a “konjo” on the street or a brush of the hand, but I am acutely aware there is more out there.

I know what children around the world have to deal with. I know the fear, the violence, the oppression, the judgment, and the constant voice saying, “You can’t and you won’t”. I watch the news, I hear stories, and I see it with my own eyes and hear it with my own ears. I have been lucky enough to have never experienced any of those emotions because my home and environment was always filled with love, but I am acutely aware there is more out there.

My goal in life has always been to help others less fortunate than myself, but I never knew how to, and I’m still struggling with it. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing nothing for anyone but myself. (Taking a cue from Mia in Princess Diaries) I have begun to think about how much I use the word “I” and “me”. Reading through this blog that is supposed to be about the world and suffering, I (there it is again) use the words “I” and “me” for most of it. But then I realize, that maybe this is how I help others. If I don’t know myself, what I stand for, and how I want to world to look, than I can’t get others on that path.

I don’t know how to change the world; I don’t even know how to change those closest to me. How do I tell the girls from my 1^st grade class in the US that hair and makeup aren’t as important as knowing how to read, how do I tell the 9^th grade girls in Ethiopia that they don’t have to get married and have kids if that’s not what makes them happy, how do I tell my fellow Peace Corps Volunteers that nothing that happens to them is their fault, it’s our society and world we live in that blames the victims. My difficulty I’m finding, is those words are almost impossible to utter because no one will believe me no matter how strong I believe them myself.

We live in a connected and global world. We live in one where words, pictures, and ideas spread like wild fire. This has many advantages, but it has disadvantages as well. Messages can be broadcast and given to girls and boys, men and women, of all social standings and beliefs in a second, but people tend to concentrate on the worst of things. If you give 9 praises and 1 criticism to a friend, that friend will only remember the 1 criticism. That is the same for news. If you share 9 pieces of good news and 1 piece of bad news, a week later most people will remember that 1 piece of bad news. This is applicable to gender and equality as well. If you have 9 people telling women they are worth it, they can do it, and they deserve everything, and you have 1 person oppressing women, telling them they are worthless and trash, the world will listen to that 1 person. Sadly, the numbers don’t work like that. We still live in societies where most of the strong voices are of men and most are not empowering women.

Again, not to generalize that all men are bad, all women help each other, and that being in the home is bad. I know many men who are in full support of female empowerment, who believe women hold the future, and who help gender equality both in words, thoughts, and actions. I know women who don’t help and support each other, but instead tear each other down with criticisms, tensions, and competition. I know plenty of women who are in the home and love their jobs and roles, and I know plenty of men who do the same.

Gender roles are not always bad, and not everyone conforms to those. But, until we reach a point where everyone has a say in what they want to do, who they want to be, and everyone has the same opportunities, we as a human race have some work to do. I am lucky and blessed. I am the person I am today because of my circumstances and environment. I have support and a goal. But, not everyone is as lucky as me. I ask you to take a minute to look at your own life. What are you thankful for? What are you blessed with? What is lucky in your life? Than ask yourself how you can help others grow their list. How can you help a little boy struggling at home to increase his list of thankfuls? How can you help a girl who is about to be pulled out of school change her path? How can you help a woman in an abusive home make herself happy? Not everything is in our control. I know that. We can’t change the whole world. Not everyone can be happy, and there will continue to be sadness. But, how can you by yourself, and how can we as humans, help each other to make each others’ lives just a little bit easier, and make another person’s happiness grow?