I have always seemed to find solace in quotes from other people. When I had Internet consistently in the US if you found me in study house, the library, or on my lunch break I was probably on Pinterest (I still graduated with a 4.0!) Although I would like to brag and say I executed classroom ideas, crafts, and clothing with the same style and elegance that I found there, but that would be a straight up lie. I realized that I was never going to be able to plan the perfect ocean unit, decorate a glittery paddle, dress like Michelle Obama, or have an outdoor party that would put Martha Stewart to shame.
But, through those realizations I found my favorite
addiction. No, not Starbucks, country music, or pictures of baby animals
(although those are some of my favorite things). I found that what helped me
through my college years, and what have helped me now are inspirational sayings
and quotes from those who seem to be somewhat smarter and more aware than me.
Not to say that everyone whose quotes I like are brilliant, a lot of people
have great and inspirational one liners, but the rest of their lives just seem
to be one mess after another. However, most people I find have some insights
into the world, other people, faith, and how to live that I would never have
thought of. These words of wisdom come from figures in the world, people in my
life, and authors/singers through the mouths of songs and fictional
characters/pages in books.
I have now lived in my home of Adwa, Tigray, Ethiopia for 6
months and I am pinching myself to actually believe it. I never thought I would
be here and living here and doing what I’m doing in a million years. The fact I
have made it 6 months in this town by myself still shocks me.
Time here is a weird thing that I have a hard time actually
explaining to people. Days drag on and seem to go by slowly, but when you look
back you realize how quickly weeks and months go by. When I got to training and
site I had these grand and master plans about what I was going to accomplish.
In training all the volunteers who ran sessions talked about how difficult it
is to start and run projects, but I kind of ignored them. I had this grand idea
of what I would do. Since getting to site though I have really begun to see
what they mean with the difficulties they run into. I haven’t accomplished as
much as I thought I would or how much I wanted to, but I have grown in more ways
than I thought possible.
I was trying to think of what kind of post I could write
that would sum up my 6 months here. I thought about 6 things I learned, 6
things I miss, 6 people that have helped me, but I realized that the best way I
could think to mark 6 months is to write about the 6 quotes that have summed up
my experience and learning here. I have many I draw strength from, many people
I find inspirational, and many things I have learned, but some seem to display
this more than others.
“All our dreams can come true if we have the
courage to pursue them”- Walt Disney
I am a little kid at heart. I am that girl who loves to
color and dance around in the rain. No matter how old I get, I will always love
Disney movies and original songs. I still get giddy to wait in lines when I go
to Disneyland, and even though I know life and love aren’t fairytales, I still
do believe that I will find my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Not
to say I’m a damsel in distress, I’m very much my own hero. I am not waiting
for someone to kiss me to wake me up, and I’m definitely not waiting to be
rescued from a tower. I will fight my own dragons and monsters, I will pursue
my dreams- not expect them to show up one day, and I will live my own fairytale
life.
Walt Disney, for all his ideas and outlooks that people may
or may not agree with, he managed to convince an entire world that their dreams
are special and worth pursuing. He got little boys and girls to stay children
and keep that attitude for a while longer, and that’s impressive.
Being here, I have realized what my dreams truly are. In
high school I knew college would come next. In college I knew I had to “do
something”, but what that was I had no idea. Many of my friends were having
crises of themselves. As a society, we put so much pressure on “what to do with
your life”, what job you should get, who you should marry that we forget that
it’s our life that is being spent worrying. It seems to me that people rush
into something because that’s what they are supposed to do. We are obsessed
with what’s next, without realizing that this is our life and we only get one.
My time has gone slow here some days. I have times where I
look at my watch and realize about 7 minutes have passed since the last time I
looked at it, when it felt so much longer. I will admit that I am someone who
looks to the future. I am just as obsessed about “what do I do next” as the
next person. I have so many things I want to do, that I forget to enjoy what is
happening now. I have planned what I am doing after Peace Corps and I know what
I want to eventually pursue in life. That being said, I sometimes forget to
remember that I’m living my dream over here already.
My life goal has always been to travel, see the world,
experience new things, and help people. The crazy thing is even through all the
hardships over here, I’m doing exactly that. As much as I have a desire to
travel, I’m very much a homebody. I am super close to my family and I like my
comfort zone. It takes a lot for me to get out of my bubble of comfort and
safety. That’s why I think it was such a shock for people to learn I was coming
to the Peace Corps and traveling across the world to live for 2 years in a
completely new atmosphere and environment on my own.
This quote was relevant to me before I boarded that plane. I
had to find the courage to hit the submit button on my application, the accept
invitation button on my Ethiopia assignment, to walk onto the plane to DC and
to Ethiopia. I have days where I have to find the courage to walk out my door
after a particularly bad day or night before, or to walk into my classroom
after a tough period. I have days where I have to find the courage to talk to
my neighbors because I’m in a bad mood or to leave my door open because my neighbor
kids will come and talk to me.
In all of that courage, I have found that my life is being
lived in a cool and different way than most people can even imagine. I will
eventually find my prince charming, have a fairytale wedding, and settle down
to a life of a 9-5 job (well, I’m going to be a teacher, so a different time
frame), a house, and children. But right now my fairytale life is twirling
kids, drinking buna at 9 at night, and laughing with 70 16 year olds. I found
my courage to pick up, leave my comfort zone, and pursue my dream. These 6
months have shown me that it really is possible, even when you think it isn’t,
to grow and find new dreams and passions, even in difficult and down times- you
just need to find courage everyone has.
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest
of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”- Dumbledore
I’m a part of the Harry Potter generation. I grew up with
Harry, Hermione, Ron, Neville, Malfoy, and the rest of the crew. I discovered
even more love of fictional characters and worlds through the words on the
pages of those treasured books. I lived in the Weasley house, Private Drive,
and Sirius Black’s house. I stood by the mailbox waiting for that invitation to
Hogwarts when I turned 11, and I’m still holding out hope my letter just got
delivered to the wrong address by a dumb owl. I dressed up in robes, red and
gold, and thought that my glasses gave me a special bond to Harry.
I began to discover that not all people are as you perceive
them, that everyone has a story of why they act the way they do, and that some
people have overcome more challenges than you will ever learn. I began to find
that everyone has some good and bad, some light and dark, in them and it
depends which person you choose to give attention to how they will act towards
you and others.
J.K. Rowling created a world that I was able to lose myself
in more than any other world I have had the pleasure to read about. She also
created characters that gave me insight into a world they don’t exist in. The
wisdom to which Dumbledore, Sirius, Hermione, and many others perceive their
own world helped me realize how I should look at the people around me. She gave
the world much needed female role models and gave little girls a chance to
realize that brains, talent, and courage are inside everyone, and that they can
be anything they want to be- they really are their own heroes.
At home I had some hard days, but I had coping mechanisms. I
could call or text a friend without worrying about phone money. I could go to
the store, buy some chocolate, alcohol, or Starbucks. I was able to curl up in
bed, read a book, listen to some music. Or I could get in the car, drive with
the windows down and music blaring. No matter what, I had an outlet from which
to release my bad days and moods. Days never seemed that bad, because I could
smile from any number of things or people and I knew there were places I could
go that would make my going to sleep and waking up fairly easy.
Here I have discovered that days are a lot harder to improve
and that moods can stay down for a longer period of time. The trials and
hardships are different than at home, and because they are not normal, they
become a lot bigger than they would be at home. The environment in which I live
is still new, it’s difficult, and without an escape, it can be very hard to
handle. When I have a bad day here, I have less options to improve my mood. I
do have books, music, a hard drive full of movies and TV shows. I do have great
friends but when the network is down I can’t reach them. Little things suddenly
become big things, and a little downer can suddenly make your whole day awful.
Being called firenji or money on the street, being cat
called, having a dog walk into your room, not having power or network, being called
in the Directors office. All of these things by themselves are not particularly
challenging and they occur regularly. But when a “perfect combination” of these
happen- they can turn a cool Kelsey into a much different person.
Dumbledore in his infinite wisdom, however, reminds me that
times are hard and they will continue to be. Nothing and no one is perfect.
But, there is hope and light in the dark. It’s up to you to find that.
Literally you can turn on a light in a dark room. If you can’t sleep at night
in the dark, turn on the light, make some tea, and read- that’s happiness over
here. Figuratively, do the same thing. If it’s been a really hard time and
everything seems dark, you need to take control to find that happiness.
My best friend Jessie and I have both had some difficult
days over here, especially recently. We realized that we are currently
stringing together the little things to remind us why we are still here. But
that’s all you can do sometimes. Remembering to smile at twirling kids, water,
hard cover books, a good cup of tea or coffee, American peanut butter, random
texts from friends, letters at the post office. Those are the lights in the
dark that Dumbledore so brilliantly talks about. Those “little things” that
really are little, are the happiness in the dark times, they are the things
that YOU have to take a hold of and decide to concentrate on when everything
else seems to be falling apart.
“May your life preach more loudly than your
lips”- William Ellery Channing
In Chi Omega in college I had a hard time with attitudes of
people around me. We got judged for being part of Greek life and I know people
judged me when they heard I was part of a sorority. Forget the fact I didn’t
drink, I had a 4.0, I had a steady boyfriend who I was completely loyal to, I
would rather read than go out, I loved being a part of philanthropies and
community service, and I respected everyone around me, I was still put into a
category of “that girl”. Once my friends got to know me they discovered I
wasn’t the “typical sorority girl”. Even though I was flattered to learn that,
it still drove me crazy that people had an idea of what they girl was. Because
in all honesty, there is no such thing as a typical one of us.
Yes, I’m aware of what Hollywood has portrayed us as. Yes, I
know what the news stories show and the ignorant and stupid few people who make
all the rest of us look bad. I know that not everyone is as well rounded as my
sisters, and many of my friends in other houses. But, the people I associate with
and are proud to call Greek life members help more of the world than many of
the people who criticize us. They don’t understand how many hours we put into
campus organizations, philanthropy events, community service, sisterhood events,
classes, and community projects. Greek life shows us how to lead, cooperate,
and represent ourselves and others with dignity, respect, and friendship.
Being a part of Greek life taught me how to live this quote,
and being over here has shown me the real life application even more. People
can talk the talk, but unless you walk the walk as well, nothing will change.
You can say that you are an open-minded person, but until you show no judgment,
I won’t believe you. You can say you are willing to help others, but until you
have to do something you wouldn’t normally do to help someone in need, I won’t
necessarily believe you. I’m not saying go off and do something drastic, but
you have to show your life in actions not words.
In Ethiopia they have a strong sense of community and family.
When one person can’t support themselves, they have a system to lean back on. I
have seen that with people in the community I live in. They talk about their
sense of loyalty, and I have seen that. They aren’t just telling me something,
they are living it.
While here, I have really seen what it means to live your
life in actions, not just words. Telling people I want to travel and see the
world is one thing, moving to Ethiopia and starting a new life for 2 years is
actually doing it—it’s taking action. I can tell people I want to teach
unprivileged children and help those less fortunate than myself, but those are
just words from my lips. Coming and teaching in a place where my students
struggle to walk 3 hours to school, where they might not have enough money for
food, and where they might fail out of school in a year, but still teaching
them as though they were the next Prime Minister, that is living my life through
actions, not just words.
I did not come to Ethiopia to preach about how much better
the West is. People here have a tendency to look at America and think it’s the
best place in the world. I have to explain it’s not all sunshine and roses-
that we have a lot of issues to work on. They don’t believe that poverty,
sickness, and destruction exist in America, and explaining to them there is all
of that just gives them a shock. I am not here to “preach” about what’s good
and right and I’m not pretending back home that I’m doing the most noble thing.
A lot of times I feel like I’m doing a disservice to my students. I have
moments where I feel like I’m harming people around me, that I’m not giving
them a true sense of what lies outside their home, that I’m giving them false
hope. But I do feel proud of myself and the fact I’m not sitting back in America
talking the big talk about “what should be done in Africa”. I’m actually here,
trying to help, in my own small part. I’m “preaching” about what I believe is
right, by actually living my life through actions, not just talking about it.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and
lean not on your own understanding”- Proverbs 3:5
I grew up surrounded by friends, family, and faith. I grew
up in 2 houses that even though I split my time between them, my parents
managed to make me feel loved, appreciated, and supported no matter what. I
grew up with love, laughter, and kindness. I grew up in the best possible
world. My parents gave my brother and I what we needed and we were never
wanting for anything. We had plenty, but my parents also taught us the value of
hard work. We had to get jobs and we never got paid or bribed to do things or
to earn things, we were just expected to conquer everything from grades to
going to church to participating in the school and community, and we did.
Through my parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles,
cousins, and families who I thought of as blood- even though we are in no way
related I learned about the world. I saw things in new perspectives and I was
taught new life lessons. I also began to find where I stood on life, love,
faith, and everything in between at church. St. John’s led me to meet many
people who had an influence over my every day life as well as my view on faith
and religion. The Cathedral gave me a safe place to explore the universe and
find where I fit in there.
Through how my parents raised me, how I saw my family and
friends living their lives, and through my church I began to realize the person
I wanted to be, how I wanted my life to go, and what kind of world I want to
live in and eventually leave my children. However, as I grew up and began to
see the world more through exploration, experience, and education I realized
that sadly, not everyone was raised how I was and not everyone sees or treats
the world and people the way they deserve to be. I began to learn about the
hardships people suffer, the tragedies that befall others, and I realized that
not everyone rises to the occasion in a manner in which I believe everyone has
the ability to do.
Trusting is a difficult thing and one that I have had an even
harder time doing since moving to Ethiopia. Trust is something that takes a
long time to build up, but can be crushed in one swift move. I’m not just
talking about trust between friends or colleagues, although that’s part of it.
For me, trust is so much more than love, friendship, and respect. Trust is
between 2 parties, big or small. I have had to put my trust in people here in
my community, both individually and as a whole. I have had to trust that if
something were to happen that my neighborhood will help me, that if a student
says something incredibly rude that my school will support me, and that if
someone in my community were to betray my trust, that my friends would be there
to pick me up.
Trust is an even harder thing when talking about the person in
charge of it all. My life has been a pretty smooth ride so far. Sure there have
been some ups and downs, but overall I am blessed. It is hard to trust in the
Lord however when I see so many people suffering. I can have a difficult time
thinking he is good when I see my friends suffering from loss of trust in their
own lives, when I see beggars on the street, when I know that people are
dealing with traumatic things all over the world. I thank God every night for
what he has given me, but on my hard days it can be difficult to whisper those
words “Thank you”. When I have seen people having a hard day or week or life
over here, on the news, and in my own life I can have a difficult time
remembering to lean on the Lord.
I like to take control of things and I like to know when and
why things are happening. I grew up knowing that you have to work, but that God
is in control. That’s always been in my head, and I am ok with that- I prefer
that. But when times are tough, I have to breath, take a step back, and remember
that the Lord will not let me fall when I lean on him. He will not let me go
through anything that he is not there beside me the whole time. And even though
I might not always believe he is there and helping me, the fact that I’m living
the life I am and that I am moving forward shows me proof that he is indeed
right there with me and everyone.
“To know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived- that is to have succeeded”- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Education has always been an important thing in my life. My
parents put an emphasis on it, and so my brother and I were fortunate enough to
attend the best schools in our city. Manzano Day School and Bosque gave me
opportunities to expand my horizons in the classroom and out of it. I began to
explore the world and I was encouraged to learn about new people and things. I
delved into that opportunity and much of what I am doing over here and what I
want to do in my life goes back to those years in the classroom.
When asked about who changed their life and who helped them
reach their potential, after family and maybe friends, many people will talk
fondly about at least one teacher they had in their life. Not all the time, in
fact a lot of people talk about their education with disdain. But the people
that talk about their education, or their teachers, talk about them with
respect. It can be difficult to be a teacher, and those who have never stepped
into those shoes can’t always see that. As a teacher you fill many roles,
including nurse, therapist, educator, friend, mother, sister, clown, and other
roles I can’t even think of right now. I always loved school, but I didn’t
realize how much my teachers I had shaped how I felt about it, until I began to
look back and appreciate how great they were.
I realized I wanted to become a teacher and help inspire
others after I began to understand how important teachers are in shaping
students lives. In the US I had many opportunities to teach kids, both in
actual classroom settings and in informal ways. I got to spend time with
students from all walks of life, and I began to realize towards the end of my
student teaching just how influential those kids were in shaping my life, not
the other way around. I became so overwhelmed with the stress of “figuring out
my life”, that I forgot to count my blessings and find joy in the little
things. My students reminded me however every day, even in their own small
ways, to remember those small things.
When I came to Ethiopia, I was never under the impression I
was going to change the world. Yes people tell me I am, but I knew I wasn’t
going to. That’s a silly ideal to live up to. The world is a big place, and
even if you reach ½ the world, you aren’t going to reach everyone. I’m not
being pessimistic, I’m being realistic. What I am doing is changing individual
lives, even in little ways.
After particularly hard teaching days, I come home and rant
to my fellow volunteers. It can be difficult to see what we are really doing
here when most of our students fail an exam, when only 3 kids participate in
class, or when 70 students talk through a 40 minute lesson. When clubs and
activities are never started, when people on the street still call you firenji,
or when you still can’t have a conversation in the language you speak every
day, it can feel as though you aren’t doing anything effective. I feel that way
on my worst days.
But I have to remind myself that it’s about the little
victories. Like having a student in the back of the class speak up for the
first time, even after 6 months, or having a little kid on the other side of
town recognize you and fist bump you, or being able to respond to shouk owner
when they ask you a question. I hear stories of people who talk about their
Peace Corps Volunteer teachers and how they changed their lives, it just took
20 years to hear about their success. I know I won’t reach all 200 of my students,
I probably won’t even reach 100. But if I can instill the love of learning and
exploring in even 1 of my students, if I can empower even 1 of my girls to
pursue an education against all odds, if I can help one life over here breath
easier, than I know I will have done my job. I probably won’t see the results
now, and I may never hear about that. But having that feeling that I might have
is enough to keep me teaching another day.
“Friends are like a quilt with lots of
different shapes, sizes, colors, and patterns of fabric. But the end result
brings you warmth and comfort in a support system that makes your life richer
and fuller”- Suzanne Dale Ezell
I took a lot of things for granted in the US- mostly
material goods that I am somehow living without, but I never thought I would.
However, the most important things I didn’t realize I had are not things at
all, they are people. I somehow accumulated a group of people in my life that I
don’t even know how I became friends with. I have Chi Omega sisters, Bosque
Bobcats, UNM Lobos, and people from everywhere else in the world. Looking through
my Facebook friends, whom I have pictures with, and what memories I have, I
sometimes question how these crazy people decided to choose me to hang out
with. I’m not an easy person to hang around all the time, and yet somehow I
amassed a group of people I wouldn’t trade for the world.
As I have moved through my life, I have kept some friends
and left others. I have had some fall-outs, but generally life just takes us
different directions. I have gotten back in contact with a few, but a lot of
times I have pictures and memories, and that’s enough for me. When I decided to
move to Ethiopia for 2 years I really began to see who has been with me for the
long haul. Once I moved here, I lost a lot of friends. This isn’t a “poor me”
situation. This is a blessing in disguise. Being here has really shown me who
my friends who became family are. I may not talk to a lot of people, but
getting messages from girls and guys I haven’t heard from in a long time to
tell me they are thinking of me, or they are proud of me, or asking how things
are going truly means the world to me.
One thing I never expected to gain from this experience is
the friends I have met while here. When I was little I always believed my best
friends would be those I have known the longest. And yes, my maid of honor at
my wedding will be the girl I have known since birth. No matter how long we go
without talking, she is still my best friend, my better half, and “my person”
(thank you Grey’s Anatomy for that one). I have friends from high school and
college that will stay with me forever as well. We share bonds from home. Food,
drinks, memories, laughter, tears, all nighters, movie marathons, driving with
the music blasting, dancing in our rooms, putt-putt, football games, and
everything in between.
But since being in Ethiopia I have gained friends that share
a different, though not any less important bond. When I first got to country I
never expected to find people that would become my best friends not only here,
but will be when we arrive back home. We are experiencing something that is
strictly special, that no one else quite understands. When things are good or
bad, it’s easy enough to tell someone in the States, but their reaction is
never quite what we wanted. Here, they understand in a way no one else can.
In some ways these friendships have been built out of
necessity. Necessity to have Western contact, to be able to talk about anything
happening, to have a bond with someone who knows what it’s like to not get
through a lesson, to fist bump a kid, or to have the power and network out for
days. But, this is a superficial way to think about these friendships and
bonds. These bonds are more than a person to rant to because you have no one
else. These bonds are random texts and calls, a place to sleep when you have no
where else to go, a hand to hold when you are going through a difficult time, a
person to make you laugh when you are close to a break down.
These friendships that have been built here are about
supporting in a weird and crazy place, these friendships are about appreciating
the things that make you happy that no one else will understand, these
friendships are about supporting through everything no matter how big or small.
I have fantastic friends at home that got me through my life
to this point, and now. They supported me through science fair projects, book
reports, senior theses, choir performances, school trips, divorces, marriages,
registration, shaving my head, student teaching, Greek Week, and many
graduations. They helped me through dating, break ups, heartbreak on different
levels, and many triumphs in the classroom and community. I also gained
fabulous friends here that have gotten me through tough teaching days, firenji,
land issues, harassment, alone times, power outages, and trainings. They have
also been able to appreciate my love of my students, twirling kids, random
anecdotal texts, great literature, funny TV shows, and American care packages.
Through my life I have gathered people from many different
walks of life. I have friends who are still in school and those who have long
graduated. I have friends who are raising kids, getting married, becoming
photographers, teachers, doctors, and lawyers. I have managed to pick friends
who are traveling the world, who have never left New Mexico, who are living in
Ethiopia, and who are living in California. No matter where and who they are,
my friends are my safety net, my security blanket, my warmth on the worst days,
and my patch work quilt.
