My Grown-Up Christmas List

Do you remember me? I sat upon your knee,

I wrote to you with childhood fantasies.

Well I’m all grown up now,

Can you still help somehow?

I’m not a child, but my heart still can dream.

So here’s my lifelong wish,

My grown-up Christmas list.

Not for myself, but for a world in need.

No more lives torn apart,

That wars would never start,

And time would all hearts.

Every man would have a friend,

That right would always win,

And love would never end.

This is my grown-up Christmas list.

What is this illusion called?

The innocence of youth,

Maybe only in that blind belief, can we ever find the truth.

No more lives torn apart,

That wars would never start,

And time would all hearts.

Every man would have a friend,

That right would always win,

And love would never end.

This is my grown-up Christmas list,

This is my only life-long wish,

This is my grown-up Christmas list.

I love Christmas music. I mean- I’m not the crazy, festive person who starts listening to it in October- I’m a believer in the day after Thanksgiving through New Years Day is when it’s an acceptable Christmas music time, but I do love it all the same. I have my favorites but my top 2 are “Believe” by Josh Groban and “Grown-Up Christmas List” by Michael Buble.

Part of why I enjoy them so much is they aren’t over done like every other Christmas song. It seems like there are the same 20 holiday songs that are on every single Christmas album, and every single even remotely popular singer puts out a holiday album. I am guilty of having quite a few of them, but that doesn’t make me find them any less annoying.

Christmas music these past 2 holiday seasons have held new meaning for me though. Normally I get annoyed with the music in the States because everywhere you go, every store, every restaurant, has it blaring (and it’s normally not the good ones). Here though, there is no Christmas music. I have been listening to the songs I have on my iPod in mini buses and on my computer in my room while grading and staring blankly at the walls (ha!). The songs make me feel just a little closer to home as I decorated my room with the few Christmas decorations I received in care packages last year. Missing Thanksgiving wasn’t too difficult for me, because my siblings were not at home either, so I didn’t feel like I was really missing a family holiday. However, my siblings are going home for Christmas, and I know seeing them altogether will probably make me homesick over here.

Luckily for me, I have that Christmas music to keep me going.

“Grown-Up Christmas List” always gives me goosebumps, because it’s less about Christmas and the holidays than it is about a wish for the world to just get along. I recently read books about the Congo wars and extremism after 9/11 (I know, I really know how to choose happy topics). Between those and then the recent world events from suicide attacks to mass shootings, from famine to refugee crises, I sometimes forget how people can even be good.

I have a lot of times over here that remind me how lucky I am to be living the life I lead, and how I really have nothing to complain about. I do have my difficult days, but they are nothing compared to most of the rest of the world, including my own community. This song reminds me that it’s not just big things like wars that make life difficult, but things as “small” as not having a friend to lean on, or having love end. I am lucky because not only am I living my dream and helping others, but I have lots of friends and family to lean on, my life is full of love (not romantic, but every other kind), and my life is put together.

As this holiday season approaches, I am forced to look at my own life and realize how many others have to face insurmountable odds to just survive. I had to explain to teachers at my school the other week that in America we do have mass shootings, hunger, poverty, homelessness, and sickness, because they were under the impression that it is a perfect place. It makes me sad to see how many people suffer at the hands of others. Sometimes when watching the news or hearing things I begin to lose faith in humanity. But then, I hear a heartwarming story or see something in my own life, and it reminds me that the entire world isn’t bad. There are more good people out there that want to help others than people that want to do harm, and that I can’t let a few bad apples ruin the entire batch. That can be difficult to do, especially when we live in a world that has so many problems.

But then I am reminded of quotes by 2 extraordinary people:

“I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite… Man’s goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never extinguished.”- Nelson Mandela

“Peace in every home, every street, every village, every country- this is my dream. Education for every boy and every girl in the world. To sit down on a chair and read my books with all my friends at school is my right. To see each and every human being with a smile of happiness is my wish”- Malala

They both faced difficulties I could never dream of, but they both still have the courage, passion, and love to face the world and realize that it could be something more. Being reminded that even people who have every reason to hate the world and other people are able to look beyond actions and words and see the true heart in people and humanity, that for me is the biggest inspiration this holiday season.

So as I sit here in my room in Ethiopia, fairly close to a disputed country border, surrounded by neighboring countries with issues from human rights to terrorism to famine, getting ready to go teach a class where many of my students go hungry, and some of my girls will be married soon, I am reminded just how lucky I feel as my own person.

As I listen to other Christmas songs I realize that most bring up children’s joy, and I began to think how children are a perfect example of how the world can be great. I love kids, so I have a more positive outlook on them than some people, but I think everyone can pretty much agree that happy children around the holidays make things much better. As Nelson Mandela so eloquently put it, hate is taught. I truly believe that. No one is born hating someone else- the hate in the world today is shown and taught to humans as they grow up.

This means that children who have grown up around love are going to have that in their life and outlook. Although holidays here are not the holidays I celebrate back home, the joy in children’s faces is the same. They amuse themselves with much less here. A tire, a piece of a wire, and a balloon will entertain children for days here, where as in the US it’s a much more commercialized society. That being said, I think the joy children get from the holidays is a reminder to myself to never lose that holiday spirit. When you believe in something magic, that helps you become happier. So as I look around at the children around me, and remember the kids I worked with back in the states, it evokes in me my childhood memories and spirit. And I am once again taken back to how it felt to be a child looking at twinkling lights, stars, wreaths, presents, and ornaments and how the joy I felt about the world would never leave me.

As I wrote in my Thanksgiving blog, for me the holidays are about so much more than wrapping paper, music, peppermint, snow, or even church services. When I see different things I am reminded of holidays growing up and home, especially bells, candles, and luminarias. You know you are from New Mexico when brown bags filled with sand is more of a holiday sign than anything else… The holidays for me hold family, friends, warmth, love, hope, and joy. Even when things are difficult here, when I’m struggling through something, or when I’m reminded of how messed up the world can be I listen to Christmas music and it warms me on the inside. And I am reminded that every day is a blessing- that the entire world isn’t bad, and that love will always win. And we all need to remember our childhood belief in the good in people and that there is some magic all around.