The Rollercoaster Week of Teaching

Anyone who has attempted to teach another human being anything can attest to how difficult a task it can be. Even if you don’t hold the formal title of teacher, and even if you do not hold a paycheck from the profession, it can be a challenging and frustrating thing, especially when your student is not willing to learn what you are demonstrating for them. Even one thing can ruin a day when it comes to teaching someone else, but when you are responsible for more than one lesson or student, the emotions attached with teaching become even more amplified- both the good and the bad. There are many times that teaching makes you want to give up and throw in the towel, let the students fend for themselves. But those times are matched by the happiness of success on the part of your student, and by association, yourself.

Teachers weeks are counted by morning bells (or flag ceremonies), periods attended, lessons taught, students praised, students reprimanded, voices heard, hands raised, sentences written, exercise books checked, and smiles collected (among many others). Teachers measure success differently than other professions. In other jobs, numbers are what matter. That’s still true with teachers. How our students show on tests and on paper is what the school cares about. Our measurement goes deeper than that though, our measurement goes into how our students use the knowledge we gave them, it goes into their confidence and ability to treat others with respect, and it goes into their future and their outlook on the rest of their life.

The fact that we hold such a big part of these kids lives in our hands means that as a teacher we have more emotions invested in our day-to-day doings than other jobs may have. Amplify being in a foreign country and different environment for my emotions to run high every day. I regularly describe my Peace Corps service with a couple of different nouns, adventure if it’s been a good few days, journey if it’s had it’s ups and downs, rollercoaster if it’s had more downs than ups, and learning experience if it’s been mostly down. This week in class reminded me not only of how tough being both a teacher and a volunteer can be, but also how rewarding and amazing it can be.

Luckily, it started off rough and ended on a high note. I have always struggled with classroom management and consistency, even in the states. When I was student teaching, the biggest critique I got from my observer and my master teacher was that I needed to be more consistent with my praise and punishment. We had a system in place, but I was never very good at spreading that out evenly. I did improve throughout the year, but it’s still (and probably always will be) my biggest struggle in the classroom. Coming to Ethiopia, that’s also been the toughest challenge in teaching. I could get away with being lax when I had 20 students in a class and a clear discipline system in the classroom and school. With 70 students and no sense of order, it’s been more of a challenge.

I had a hard time last year with how to handle talking, cheating, phones, copying for other classes, and sleeping in class (yes, these are all major problems). I gave my classes rules, tried to enforce them, and follow through. But I didn’t do the best job, and I fully acknowledge that. I was looking forward this year to starting over with a new group of students, taking what I learned from last year, and improving my classroom management, but then I showed up the first day to find out I was teaching my same students- I was following them to 10^th grade.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my students and I’m excited to see how they will grow in the next year. But I was also terrified- don’t even get me started on the National Exam, I was thinking just daily routines and how much we all slacked off them at the end of last year. Sure enough, I showed up the first day with my students still acting as rough as they did at the end of last year, because I hadn’t gotten control when I should have.

One of my students was a troublemaker last year, and after he lied to my face multiple times about having a cell phone in class I gave up trying to deal with it in my own class, and I turned him into the office. Turns out I was not the first teacher to have a problem with him, and my Vice Director almost kicked him out of school. He told me to choose whether to give him one more chance or not. This is of course not a position I envy anyone with, but I decided to give him one more chance. He drove me and the other teacher’s crazy, but I would rather have him in school than sitting outside it. He walked into my class this year with the same air of not really caring. However, he started answering questions and participating. I was excited that maybe he realized how valuable education can be.

On Tuesday his class was awful. They were talking the entire class and didn’t even try to participate. I got really upset and I was on the verge of tears. I yelled at them, and they got silent. Most didn’t know what I was saying, but they could tell I was upset and decided to listen. He was in the back of the class with his hand over his ear. I knew he was listening to music, and I was already riled up. I went back and luckily he didn’t argue, he just gave me the phone and earbuds because he remembered what happened last year. He thought I would just give it back to him at the end of class, like I did last year. But this time I took it with me when I left class and went to see the Vice Director. Turns out it was another student’s phone, he was borrowing it. They both followed me out, begging for it to be given back to them with the promise of “Sorry, teacher” (the Ethiopian students have perfected this saying).

Wednesday I had my other not paying attention because they were all doing homework (a crossword puzzle) for Biology. I took textbooks and exercise books, but they somehow all continued to not pay attention to English. When I got upset with their class, they all said the same thing “Sorry, teacher” with puppy dog eyes that would have made me melt the first week, but by now just drive me crazy. I taught my lesson to the few students who were actually paying attention, which are the ones who generally already have a command of the language.

I was felling really down with these 2 days. Between kids not paying attention, not caring that I’m upset, and just not caring about school I was beginning to wonder why I came to school every day. I have even told them before that I am here to try to teach them, why should I come to teach them if they don’t want to be taught. The kids who understand me look so guilty, and I feel bad after I say things like that, but in the heat of the moment I am not always the calmest person. I was realizing how difficult this job can be and how un thanked it can be.

However (this is the up part of the rollercoaster), Thursday was an incredible day that reminded me why in fact those hard days are worth it. The troublemaker class still wasn’t the best, but a few kids participated. I was doing a lesson on verb conjugations. We were going over present, past, future, present perfect, and present perfect continuous. My kids have seen these all before and know how to conjugate them, but we were doing a review lesson with filling in a chart after talking about when each one is used. A boring grammar lesson that this year will be filled with.

I started a new participation system this week to try to get more than the like 5 kids up front to answer questions. I want everyone participating, even if they get the answer completely wrong. I gave every student a piece of paper where they wrote their name and their section. They keep it and bring it to class every day. When they answer a question, read a sentence, or participate in another way, I take their cards home and record them. I then bring them back the next day. This might sound silly, but it’s worked really well this week. The students like handing me their cards and knowing they are actually being recognized for their work in class. They are used to only having the “gobez” kids answer, so I’m forcing them to try.

My section T-13 on Thursday blew me away. Every single kid participated in class that day. It was review and grammar, not the hardest of things (they love grammar). It wasn’t truly testing their English skills, but the fact that even the kids who never talk in class were able answer how to conjugate the verbs I put up on the board made me smile the biggest goofy smile I have had since coming to country.

In my next class I didn’t have as many students participate, but I did have a few who don’t normally talk in class. A few of my less gobez students, who try but don’t normally get things right, were getting them more right than some of the gobez students who are normally the confident ones. There was a group of 3 girls in the back who are gobez but normally don’t participate, I just see their smarts on tests. They answered every single conjugation correctly. I could feel a shift in the room as the kids who are used to always being right and called on were over shadowed for possibly the first time by the rest of their class. I want every student to feel confident and participate, but it was a nice change to see other students realizing their potential.

I am not sure if this participation system will hold up the whole year. I don’t know how I will make a full semester of participation into 5% of their final grade. I don’t know how long they will be able to keep their slips of paper without losing or tearing them (a lot have already had to ask me for a 2^nd one and some are already tearing—no such thing as lamination here, sadly). But, the idea that more students are taking action to answer questions and pay attention in class through positive reinforcement is really exciting to me.

We have flag ceremony in the mornings, and I stand to the side while they walk into the school compound to their lines in front of the flag. I continue to stand there as they pass to go to their classes. I let them drag desks and talk before I come into start class (they end flag ceremony about 10 minutes before class starts). I will be with other teachers sometimes and they never get acknowledged or at least their names are not said. However, when my students walk by they all say “Hi Ms. Kelsey” or at least “Hi”. I even get talked to by students not in my classes, ones I have never seen before. That makes me feel great, that I am close enough to my students to have them talk to me as more than a teacher. I know it’s because I am the firenji, but that sense of connection that my fellow teachers don’t necessarily have with them makes me happy that I care enough about them that they care about me as well.

So that was my roller coaster of a teaching week. I started off on the ground with poorly behaved students, frustrating classes, and bad lessons. I ended on a high note with participation, excitement, and the realization that my students are learning something from me. It might be boring verb conjugations, but they remember from my last lesson on the subject, all wanted to answer questions, and I saw many of them grow in their self confidence, in one day.

I might have extreme difficulties and frustrations with everything over here. My anger may be amplified, and I may have a hard time dealing with classroom management. I have students who drive me crazy and are the reason I want to drink a beer after a hard teaching day. I may have those moments where I want to give up, change careers, move back home and just sit in my bed all day. But then I have those days where I realize it’s all worth it. Where I smile from ear to ear because a student who has never gotten an answer right suddenly answers 6 in a row right. I have those days where every single kid in a class of 50 (we are still getting all kids to school) gives an answer, where the girls who don’t like to answer before the boys are suddenly the ones whose hands shoot up to get to the answer first. That confidence and ability, that moment when my students realize who they are and who they can be, that moment when I’m greeted as more than the crazy firenji teacher, the moment when my classroom becomes an inspiration. That’s why I teach.

International Day of the Girl #dayofthegirl #IDG2015

Sunday Girls Program: Girl Declaration and I Am A Strong Woman

I held a girls program on International Day of the Girl at my preparatory school for 9^th and 10^th grade girls. I was worried girls wouldn’t come, because I only announced it in the opposite shift at flag ceremony and in my classes, and that it was only after the first week of school. I was pleasantly surprised to find that 20 girls ended up coming to the school compound after church to join in my lesson on female empowerment.

As I wrote up the Girl Declaration on the chalk board, the girls wrote lists of the issues they think girls face the most in Ethiopia. They then discussed in groups and one girl from each group got up to share. Although the groups generally were the same, it was interesting to see what social issues they thought their gender faces. The most common ones that were repeated by multiple groups were female genital mutilation, abduction, under age marriage, and the thinking that girls are unequal to boys. Other issues mentioned by groups were too many chores/ work at home, the idea that girls should not learn and are only the property of men, over all prejudice and country policies, and the lack of female participation in school and the government.

I then explained what the Girl Declaration is and how it was created. The Girl Declaration is a statement written by girls, for girls and women from all over the world. I had them write and color the Girl Declaration in their own style. It took a demonstration of using different colors and styles of writing for them to understand this was supposed to be fun and show their own personalities and thoughts, they didn’t have to just copy it like notes in a classroom.

My Counterpart (who is a male) then translated and explained the Girl Declaration in Tigrinia so that the girls would understand what they were writing. I handed out copies of the English and Amharic Girl Declarations as well so that each girl would be able to remember exactly how powerful of a girl she is at home.

I then handed out “I pledge…” cards and they each wrote and then shared (in Tigrinia) their pledge to help gender equality in Ethiopia. I wrote, “I pledge to not let men tell me what to do” as an example. All of the girls wrote about their future and how they plan to help women in the future. Some of the answers were:

-    To continue her schooling and become a doctor

-    To become a lawyer to help more girls get into law

-    To go to school to get a degree in business and open up her own store

-    To become a doctor and open up a hospital for women that are discriminated against

-    To help women by opening up a non-profit to help underprivileged women and to help against discrimination

-    To educate her family about female issues and girls empowerment

-    To become an artist and help women become stronger

-    To become an engineer

-    To become a teacher to help other girls learn

I was impressed with the amount of girls that talked about wanting to help the underprivileged and discriminated against, not just women but all people, by opening their own businesses and non-profits. Many times when you ask people in Ethiopia what they want to be they all say doctors or engineers because they assume that’s what makes the most money and is the most professional, but other jobs are needed and can help empower females in a more direct way. I was happy to hear that all wanted to continue their schooling and graduate from college. I sincerely hope they all get that opportunity.

We then stood outside and I asked them again to name some of the biggest challenges facing Ethiopian women. They named early marriage, abduction, that their job is to work in the home, societies belief that girls are born to serve boys, lack of participation of females in development, family planning and child mortality, that girls are considered slaves of men, discrimination in the classroom, and sexual harassment. I had a difficult time getting the girls to speak up, I think in part because even though I allowed them to speak in Tigrinia, my counterpart was a man. He is a progressive man who doesn’t necessarily share a view similar to others, but he is still a male figure.

I wrote the challenges they mentioned on a piñata that I had made this past week. I then explained that we were going to break the piñata to symbolize breaking apart those challenges and showing the challenges that as females, we are stronger than them. I had a few of the girls share why they are a strong woman. One of the girls I took this past summer to Camp GLOW shared the same answer she shared during camp about helping her community and being nice to people, but then if they are rude or mean to her she will become tough and crush them (her words). One girl said she would continue her schooling and participate in class. Another girl shared she will educate her family and friends and she wants to participate in development and government to help bring equality for all girls.

After they shared their thoughts and why they are strong women, we hit the piñata with each girl getting one swing. It worked out perfectly and every girl got to hit it once with it breaking with the last girl.

I had coordinated and talked with a female teacher who is in charge of the gender things at school, however there turned out to be a teacher meeting at the same time my program was supposed to be, so it ended up just being my counterpart and I (he works at a different school). Although it was a little difficult to run the session with a male there and I could tell the girls were a little uncomfortable at first, they became more comfortable once they realized they were allowed to speak and write Tigrinia and that they could really share what they felt.

It was fun for me to watch these 20 girls participate and understand how strong and powerful they really are. They took initiative to come to this program about girls and gender, and have a drive to educate their families and community about gender equality. It is heartbreaking to hear them describe the problems they face in their own country. I know these problems exist, and I hear about them in statistics and movies, but to hear that abduction, early marriage, and FGM are problems they or their friends face is something I will never get over.

I strongly believe that females are the key to fixing many of the problems in the world, and I am so grateful to have this opportunity to hopefully influence these girls and boys to understand just how important gender equality is. I limited the activity to females today only because I wanted the girls to be comfortable sharing and participating, and because I wanted them to truly bask in and understand the Girl Declaration. It’s a powerful statement about being a female.

Seeing a girl smile, know that she can be who she wants to be, and finding herself and her strength is something I will always find touching. Getting to help girls find their own power is what drives me to continue to teach both boys and girls, and what I find most rewarding. Girls here and around the world face extreme prejudice, hardships beyond compare, and discrimination- they are told they are less than boys, and the challenges they face are great. Nothing will change over night, but with girls who believe they can change the world and with boys willing to help them, then the society they live in and the world as a whole can in fact change for the better so females are in fact looked at and treated as equals to men, like they should be.

Monday English Class: Find Your GLOW

I teach 3 sections of 10^th grade, and decided to use the activity Find Your GLOW as a review of descriptions and adjectives to connect last year and this year (idea taken from Jessie Sexton, a fellow G11 volunteer). I planned my lesson around the idea that we would do a whole group lesson review on adjectives and then split up to individually draw and write.

I first reviewed what a noun, verb, adjective, and adverb were on the board and had my students give me examples. We then talked more about adjectives and I had them give me adjectives to describe a person. In my first class I was basically giving them adjectives, but in my other 2 classes they were the ones giving me suggestions. In my second class of the day before I even began listing them, she asked if she could describe me and started listing off adjectives. We talked about how adjectives can describe something physical or something in your personality or how you act.

We then talked about what opposites are, and I had them give me the opposites of the words already on the board. In my second class of the day one of my gobez girls told me the Tigrinia word for opposite and wrote it in fidel on my hand, so I was able to impress my last class with my “knowledge”, even though I showed them that another student had told me, they were very excited I tried Tigrinia and fidel.

I drew a picture of myself quickly on the board next to the sentence structures for “I am _____________, ________________, and _____________.” “I am not _____________, ______________, and _______________.” “I am good at ___________________, _______________, and ______________.” I then filled in the blanks with “I am tall, smart, and loud. I am not short, dumb, and quiet. I am good at reading, teaching, and cooking.” The students had a good time laughing at the fact I drew myself on the board, because they don’t get much artistic freedom in their other classes. I handed out pieces of colored paper I cut from Peace Corps materials, and I instructed them to draw a picture of themselves, as well as to write 3 sentences about themselves.

As they completed their task individually I wrote on the board: “Some of the things you like about yourself, some of the things you are good at doing, some of the times you feel good about yourself” as well as “Self-esteem: The voices in your head that tell you that you are important, that you matter despite what anyone says. You can choose the words you want to describe yourself and make sure they are positive. We call this finding our glow.”

The students tried to turn in their papers at the end, because they are used to me collecting papers from last year, when they did assignments like these so I would give them a grade. I explained in part English and part Tigrinia (broken in both) that they got to take these home for themselves to remind them of their strengths and what they are, and to always think of themselves in a positive way.

Although this wasn’t the exact “Find Your Glow” activity from the Girl Hub activity book, I tried to tie it into English grammar review so my students would remember what we did last year, as well as build their own self-confidence. It didn’t work super well in one of my classes because most all the students copied exactly what I wrote on the board, or didn’t understand the activity. One of my classes got a little better hang of it, and by my last class all the students were writing their own sentences and drawing very intricate drawings of themselves.

I did this activity to show my students that although they may not be able to change how they look or how they act, they can pick which adjectives they think of themselves as. One of the girls in my class is a larger girl and I know she is very self-consciece of it. Other kids tease her about her weight and although she will laugh along when they say something, I can see in her face she doesn’t actually find it funny. Every time that happened last year I would kick out the kid that teased her about it. I was interested to see how she would draw herself and describe herself. She didn’t put anything about her weight, instead she wrote about being nice, smart, and clever. I was very proud of her for not identifying her weight as something she defines herself as.

This also gave me a chance to see who was able to write their own sentences and who just copied mine. I left my example on the board, which might have been a bad idea because a lot of the kids just copied mine, but many of my students did put their own adjectives, some who I didn’t know if they would be able to or not (last year they always copied). It felt good to see my students finally understanding creative thinking, and describing themselves instead of copying everything I write.

Another bonus: in all of my classes the people who answered the most were girls. Although I have a few boys answer, most in my classes are girls. I’m not sure whether it is because I am girl teacher and they feel more comfortable with me, whether I give them more opportunities, or whether the girls in my classes are just “more gobez”. For whatever reason though, it gives me hope that if we just give girls the opportunity to speak up in class and give them an equal chance to show their abilities and potential that they will become equal to boys in education and in many problems probably dominate.

This activity was designed to bring up students self-confidence and teach them that they have the power to change how they think about themselves. I don’t know if I achieved that, because it was an English heavy lesson plan originally and many of my students still don’t have that English level, but I hope by bringing it into their comfort zone of grammar knowledge and also letting them be creative in drawing, that they were able to understand the basic concept of thinking better of themselves and not letting others affect how they think about themselves. This was an activity designed to lift up both boys and girls and show them that they all have strengths.

Tuesday English Class: “Smart Economics” and “Girls Rising”

Since it was my birthday, I decided I wanted to do one final activity to empower girls for International Day of the Girl, and I wanted it to be fun for my students and myself. It didn’t work as well as I was hoping, because even with my little speakers I brought from the US that I hooked up to my computer, with even just 50 high school students in a class, the volume turned all the way up still doesn’t over power their voices.

I began by explaining we would be watching 2 videos, 1 in Amharic about girls in Ethiopia, and 1 about girls from around the world. I let them watch the “Smart Economics” video about girls providing for the economy in Ethiopia. I did not lead a discussion about that one- I just let them think on the facts presented.

Then I told them we were going to watch stories of 2 girls from around the world from the movie “Girl Rising”. I picked Yasmeen from Egypt and Asmera from Ethiopia. I picked them because I thought they most resembled the issues facing these girls sitting in my classroom and the most I could influence the boys in. Before I began to play the movie I told my students to listen and watch for the challenges the girls faced and what happened to them.

We watched the Egypt part, although it was difficult because the sound only went up so much and much of that story is spoken in Arabic. I retold the story and what happened to her after her story was completely done. It was also difficult for my students to understand what part of the story was “real” and what was “her imagination” because it is told by actors and animation. The fight scene got the boys attention, but otherwise it was hard to keep all their attention because it was pretty dark and quiet and not all in English or a language spoken in Ethiopia.

I repeated the fact that 50% of all sexual assault victims are under the age of 15 that was spoken in the movie, and that the girl in the story was 13 and was to be married to a man who was older than 40. Then I read out the other facts as they came on the screen in between stories. Through all of my classes the boys sat in the back (they always do in class, with my girls filling the front rows) and goofed off, so I stood by the back wall for most of the movie. I wanted to make sure the boys knew this was to educate them as well, because change has to come from both genders.

I then continued to play the movie and had them watch Asmera, which is the story of the girl from Ethiopia. Even though she was from Ethiopia, they didn’t really catch her story or problems. The biggest issue I found was that the kids in the back started talking because they couldn’t hear or see and the students in the front lost their attention by the end of it. Even though I taught the first 3 sections of the day, they were still already restless. I have definitely learned that for media to work in the classroom in Ethiopia I need to find a way to put the video on a bigger screen and make it louder. I retold the story as it was happening, so my students would know what was happening with Asmera, as most couldn’t hear or see.

I then wrote up some other facts about sexual assault and child marriage given from the film after the Ethiopia story was done, “14 million girls under 18 will be married this year”, “#1 cause of death of girls 15-18 is childbirth.”

Finally I asked my classes what challenges the girls in the films faced. In my first class they didn’t know, so I helped them along by writing “sexual assault and child marriage” under Egypt and “child marriage and almost pulling out of school” under Ethiopia. In my second class one of my girls answered and talked about child marriage and how girls have so many chores at home they can not always go to school and how they are not given the same opportunity to go to school. This was the same girl who asked me while we were watching “Girl Rising” whether Asmera was in school and whether she would continue to go to school (this was right when it started).

In my third class I did not get a chance to ask my students what their answer was, because the bell rang for the next period to start. I did however realize I wasn’t going to finish, and so I wrote the answers from the previous classes up on the board.

In each of my classes I wrote a sentence for the boys to copy in their exercise books and say out loud, and a sentence for the girls to copy in their exercise books and say out loud. I wrote “Boys: I pledge to never hurt a woman.” and “Girls: I pledge to always stand up for myself.” I did not get the chance to really discuss the problems in the video because the parts and set up took longer than expected, but it was a chance to expose my students of all genders to some of the problems facing girls around the world.

I am not entirely sure how successful the lesson was. Between the sound being so low, the video being dark and on a small screen, my students’ low level of English compared to the film, and the short time to contemplate and discuss the issues at hand, I believe it could have gone much better, but I do think they gained at least something from being exposed to the film. I want to show the film again on a weekend, with a different machine and with time to watch the whole thing and talk about it after.

It was interesting to see my students’ reactions to the film and the facts that I posted on the board. My girls had this look on their faces like they knew all about this. I would be curious to know if any of the girls in my classes have in fact been sexually assaulted before, or if they have family or friends who have. Statistically it is likely, but I of course didn’t ask that. A few of the girls had looks like they have been exposed to this sort of thing, but my protective self is crossing my fingers that they haven’t.

The boys were the difficulty for me in this lesson, because I wanted to open a discussion up about violence against women and how they can grow up and not be like the man who assaulted the girl in Egypt. However, with such a short time, a language barrier, and their attention not really there, it was difficult to bring that up. I did have them write that they pledge not to hurt women in the exercise books. I’m hoping that this short 40 minute day at least put the seed in their head that they have the power to not hurt women, and to in fact challenge all men to do the same.

Luckily Asmera’s story ended on a bit of a happy note. For now, she is still attending school and has the support of her brother and mother. I think that was a good thing to end on, because it shows that even though there are problems, if you have the support of men and your family and you want to continue your education, you can overcome. I believe that my female students will continue their education, for they have already beaten many of the odds (they are coming to school in 10^th grade). I would be interested to see which of my girls and boys pass their National Exam this year and continue onto secondary school and finally university. I hope with my influence it will be many.

My students in many ways have already beaten the odds shown in “Girl Rising”. They are attending school, my girls tend to sit in the front of the class and answer questions in English, my boys know it’s not right to hit a girl, and all of my students respect me. I’m hoping my influence on them will stick throughout their life and that they will use what lessons they learned from me to turn around and change their families, communities, country, and the world. Girls around the world need help from girls and boys to become equal, and I hope my students are the ones willing to make that change.

Birthday Celebrations

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday dear Kelsey

Happy Birthday to you

As I sit in my room in Ethiopia approaching my 24^th birthday I have time to reflect on my 24 years of life, how I have spent birthdays in the past, how I am spending it this year, and how I will spend them in the future. As I discovered last year, birthdays are celebrated and held to different standards in different countries and cultures. In America birthdays tend to be a very big deal, with parties varying by type as people grow older, however the parties don’t decrease. In Ethiopia though, birthdays are really only celebrated for children, with adults birthdays passing by as they grow another year older.

Last year I celebrated my 23^rd birthday away from my family and friends for the first time ever, and it surprisingly was not as difficult as I thought it would be. My site mate Lauren made sure I got pizza for dinner, and then we met up with some Peace Corps workers who were around Tigray for site installation meetings. I got to open birthday care packages from my parents, which was pretty much better than opening gifts at home, and my land family made me a buna ceremony with the best kind of bread.

This year I am not sure how I will celebrate on my actual day, but I am meeting friends in Axum for shakla tibs and beer over the weekend. I am planning on teaching a female empowerment lesson using Beyonce’s “Run the World (Girls)” song in my classes on my actual birthday, in a late celebration of International Girls Day. I also have packages that arrived just in time for my birthday so I can open those like presents as well. I think Ally is coming in (she has to fly to Addis the next day for medical things for Peace Corps) and so we will probably eat dinner out, and then drink wine and watch a chick-flick at my house.

Birthdays symbolize a new beginning. Although it’s not “the new year”, it can be a fresh start to your life. People tend to measure life in 2 forms, the calendar year and then the year you have been on earth. Both are the same length of time, just marked on different days. Each year holds special meaning, and each can be measured with good and bad times. Birthdays are those placeholders to remind you how you have gotten to where you are today.

I have had some pretty memorable birthdays celebrated with friends and family. I might not always remember what I did or what gifts I received, but I will always remember the love I felt from the people that surround me, whether I am close to them geographically or whether we are far away. Facebook and their birthday reminders for our friends list help make me feel appreciated and loved, even if it is someone just writing “Happy Birthday” on my wall because they see it’s my birthday in the corner. I’m awful with remembering birthdays and can only remember my immediate families, Lynda’s, and Carson’s. All the other birthdays of my friends and family I have to look up (sorry everyone!). But I guarantee everyone else is the same way with me, and I’m ok with that.

I may be spending my birthday alone for another year (on the actual day), but I know that my friends and family are thinking of me and sending me love and good wishes even though they are across the world. That’s the great thing about birthdays: at least for one day, you are the most important person. You are always the most important person in your own life, but for a day you become more the center. I’m not saying become spoiled and ask to be the center of the universe, but you have the chance to become a more important person in someone else’s life because you are in their thoughts a little bit more.

I am the person I am today because of my friends, family, and the memories and lessons they have given me. I have reflected on those a lot this past year (well, a little more than that) and I have come to appreciate even more just how special these people in my life are. They have given me memories and moments that I can look back on fondly while here, especially on my hardest days. Birthdays are some of those moments I look on with the most love and laughter.

Birthdays are also the times to reflect on your past year and how you have grown as a person. I have grown so much the past year- I could not even begin to write everything down. Everything that has happened to me, every moment that’s surreal to think I’m actually living the life I am, and every lesson I have learned (both good and bad), has shaped my 23^rd year. I might not remember exactly every moment in a few years, but I will be able to reflect on future birthdays on how much I experienced when I was 23 and how cool of a life I got to live for that year.

My 24^th year should be quite an adventure. I’m teaching 10^th grade for a year in Ethiopia, I will hopefully travel around Ethiopia, I will hopefully get into graduate school and start attending that, and I will finish my Peace Corps service. My 25^th birthday will be celebrated somewhere in America, hopefully surrounded by new friends and with love and well wishes from friends and family all over the world. Some people complain about getting older, but I think it’s a blessing many people don’t get to have, and I embrace every moment of it.

That’s the great thing about birthdays: You get to feel loved and appreciated, you get to reflect on your past year and how you can improve for the next year, and you get to experience a blessing denied to many. Birthdays should be celebrated, if even just for the sheer joy of realizing how blessed you truly are.

Musings during MSC

I have this habit of finding lessons learned in every experience and moment. I started this when I realized it was easier to try and list lessons that I learned, even when it seemed there were none, then trying to find light of a situation when there is none. Since coming to Peace Corps I have been placed in many moments when I just have to remember that every situation has a lesson to be learned, even when they may seem impossible to see at the time. Then there are bits when lessons seem to just appear and there are too many to count. Trainings are those bits for me. Trainings are fabulous, because it gives my group a chance to come together and not only brainstorm and discuss what we have gone through and where we are going next, but more of just a chance to chill and hang out with potentially the only people who will ever understand what crazy, emotional journey you are on. After getting back to site I was able to reflect on the past week at MSC and I drew some conclusions about my service, my group, and myself half way through our service. Here are the Top 5 that I came up with (in no particular order):

Struggles are in many ways unique, but there is also a shared union that is almost never identified unless put together.

I came to MSC with a bit of a grudge towards my community. Not that my first year was bad by any means, but I was struggling with how to feel truly a part of it. I felt like I had done a good job on integrating for myself, however I also saw how other volunteers were integrating and working, and I felt like a failure at many points. Should I blame myself for not starting programs, or an outside source? I think it’s a shared blame in many respects, but it’s easier to push that on someone else instead of taking control of your own life. It’s much easier for me to put blame on my Director for not giving me a classroom for my club than it is for me to push myself to take control and find a space for it, instead I did a lot of giving up and shrinking back to my comfort zone my first year.

That is just my professional struggle in the classroom, putting blame on the school system, the tests, the grading, the other teachers, or the students. In many ways there is a reasoning there, but I came to MSC with a sense that I was the only one dealing with these problems. This doesn’t even address the issues I deal with socially and culturally such as harassment and being a white woman in this society. I came to MSC with a bit of a chip on my shoulder, only having heard stories from my close friends of their struggles. I came wanting to know what everyone else was dealing with at site.

I know it’s dangerous to compare services, but I was curious to see what others stories consisted of. What I discovered during our formal sharing sessions and our informal eating and drinking sessions is that in many ways all our experiences are common. Most girls have dealt with the same harassment I have, to differing degrees. Most guys have all dealt the same “macho male” stereotype they then have to break. All the people in my group have struggled with classroom management, inefficiency of clubs, and how to balance what we were sent here to do with what is humanly possible.

We held a gender fishbowl to discuss gender issues at our sites and when I sat there and listened to my fellow volunteers I realized just how unique each of our situations are, yet how similar they are to what others in other countries experience. I can not say I have had the exact situation on the street or in the teachers lounge as a fellow G11 volunteer, but I can sympathize more than someone serving in a different country or someone back home. It’s crazy how similar yet different experiences can be, and how we interact with them.

            Because I am geographically close to only a few volunteers and unless I make a conscious effort to talk to someone, there is a chance I will not interact with many of the volunteers in my group until COS conference in another 9 months. That is the same span of time between IST and MSC. This means that I probably won’t interact with more struggles of my fellow group members until we are almost done. Our experience as a whole group is a big puzzle with each person holding a piece of the puzzle. It can move and change with people and numbers, but it continues to stay a whole puzzle. Each of us has a unique experience with different struggles and triumphs, but they all fit in a way that only the other puzzle pieces quite get.

Peace Corps service can be summed up in elevator speech anecdotes that range from side splitting hilarious to grab a tissue sad.

I realized this a little while I was visiting home this past summer, but it really came to be noticed during MSC week. While I was home people would ask me about my service and I had to give them short little anecdotes about my time a year in. However, many of my stories fell flat because no matter how much I might find them hilarious or sad, with no cultural context they are just words coming out of someone’s mouth.

We had a session during MSC called “Introduction to 3^rd Goal” which is sharing Ethiopian culture with Americans. This was basically a chance to get up and share a funny or inspirational story about your service. It was a light-hearted hour and a half session where I got to sit and hear stories from my fellow volunteers about their year so far. I understand that it’s almost impossible to pick 1 story to tell. How do you explain all the weird, quirky, annoying, sad things that happen every day in our lives? How do you pick 1 or 2 stories that show your life at site every day when there are probably 11 or 12?

During lunch and dinner you sit together and discuss the day or the night, but those stories almost always come back to site and the random little happenings because that’s been your life for a year and you finally have a chance to tell them to someone other than your best friend that has heard them a million times already. Especially sitting with people you don’t normally sit next to or talk to gives you a chance to hear and laugh and sympathize with other stories. Sometimes they are so similar to yours, and other times you can’t even imagine how that occurred. Then it’s your turn, and you get to dazzle the table with a 2-minute story of getting gorshed, a wedding, or almost getting run over by an ox.

Your stories might not always be funny or quirky, they could be a story of struggle or anger or sadness, because our service is full of those as well. You may choose not to share those to anyone other than family or friends, or not at all. It’s much easier to get through laughter than tears, but those stories do exist and sometimes the anecdotes are the easiest and most painless to get through. It’s good to start practicing those stories at MSC, even with a year left before going back stateside, so you know how to tell the stories your life is made of without having them fall flat with friends and family.

It’s your choice whether to look back with pessimism or look forward with optimism.

As I already mentioned, everyone in my group had struggles this first year. I don’t even think the most optimistic and happy person came in without feeling defeated in some part of their service. Whether it’s just feeling like it’s been a long time, to getting sick, to missing home, to feeling like you failed your students, school, or neighborhood, or something more serious with harassment or safety. I came in feeling defeated in many ways and after hearing people in my groups success stories I felt even more defeated. I couldn’t even start an English club and there are people with 4 clubs going every week, how do I feel good about my service so far with that on my plate?

But then after discussing the past year and the next year, I realized that in many ways I’m at a better place emotionally than some of my fellow volunteers. Although I have had struggles, I am willing and ready to move past them and I’m using my past year as a chance to really grow and change for my next year in service. This is the difference between some of my fellow group members and myself. We came into country with 69 people and because of various reasons we came to MSC with 50. I hope that number sticks to COS conference, but I’m very aware it won’t.

I have never seriously considered going home and ET’ing. I have had days that have been a struggle enough for me to consider it for a brief moment, but every time I do, I sleep on it, talk it out, cry it out, and then realize that I’m gaining things from being here that outweigh the easiness of going home. This journey isn’t for everyone, and if you are struggling to the point where you are unhappy every day, then I think it is admirable to leave. We were talking about why people stay when they are suffering and a lot of people talked about pride. I understand that completely, but I also think your mental and physical health needs to come first.

For me, my physical and mental health is not in the balance serving here. I have my difficult days, but I am also loving my service. I have so many random elevator moments and anecdotes that make up for the hardships I face. I wrote a letter to myself during PST that we opened during MSC and I wrote “I look to the future with a cup of optimism and a spoonful of realism”, and I think that’s so true. I am looking forward to my next year with optimism and what projects I want to do, along with some realism of what I can actually do. However, I refuse to look back on my service with pessimism, only the reminder of lessons I have learned to help me on my next year.

Being the guinea pig group is more work for you, but the following groups will benefit greatly.

Much of this week was reflection on what we have learned the past year in the classroom and what would have been helpful for ourselves. G11 was the pilot program, or as we call ourselves the guinea pigs of this PELLE program in Ethiopia. Basically meaning they threw us into training and teaching with no real idea of how it would work. The Peace Corps Education team did an incredible job with what they were given, but with absolutely no feedback it was impossible to design trainings and materials until they got feedback. We are that feedback.

This meant that many of our sessions were not developing ideas and materials for our own group, but they are giving our successes and failures to the education team to give to the groups that follow. There were quite a few times during sessions where I think we all felt a little used and annoyed. I mean, we went through the struggles of having not much, why can’t the other groups do the same thing? But then we realized how much better the program would be and how much more we could help other students and teachers by giving them our materials and helping develop the program through our own experiences.

Many of the sessions were gathering material goods as well as ideas and improvements. They heard our complaints about Peace Corps and Ethiopia and they took our suggestions about what we thought could be improved. The Education team then asked us to provide a range of sources that could be used for future groups. That means that most of what we developed and built on this week won’t be used for us. We are a year in and only have 1 more teaching school year. We won’t benefit directly from what we gave this week. But, we left knowing that we are an invaluable asset to Peace Corps Ethiopia and the Education team, because we gave them our knowledge and experiences to start building the program to an even better place.

Appreciation when given is the most powerful motivator.

            Appreciation is something that isn’t given or shown enough. When you are alone at site, you might hear appreciation from people in your community, but rarely from fellow volunteers. You might from your friends that you talk to all the time, or sporadically from a random volunteer who has a good heart. But overall, your service might go unnoticed, or at least that’s how you feel. We have an incredible Education Program team that works so hard and their work often goes unnoticed. When we are having difficulties we tend to take it out on them, even though they don’t deserve it. Sometimes our appreciation of them as people and workers goes unaccounted for, so it’s nice to come together and give them a round of applause and thank them in person for working so hard for us everyday, even when we don’t show them how much it means to us.

            The last day of MSC we did an appreciation showing activity where half of us sat in chairs in a circle and closed our eyes, the other half stood on the outside. Our Program Director would read a sentence such as “This person makes me laugh” or “This person is always there for me” and the people on the outside would walk around the circle. When you got to a person who that sentence applied to you touched that person on the shoulder. I was sitting down first and was pleasantly surprised and touched to receive so many shoulder touches. I was half expecting that everyone touched everyone and that maybe I wasn’t that special, but when I was the one doing the touching I didn’t in fact touch everyone. I did want to show my appreciation to those that have helped me through, but I didn’t touch their shoulder if I didn’t think it applied to them. It was good that their eyes were closed so that it was completely anonymous.

            This is such a simple activity and one that I didn’t think would mean that much, but I realized that it actually really touched me. I think as volunteers we lose some of that human connection when we don’t have it for so long. American and Ethiopian cultures show appreciation in different ways, and so when you are away from the American appreciation for so long, it begins to take a toll. Every person is doing great work, but unless you are told that and how great of a person you are, then you might begin to lose that drive and motivation you came in with.

            I don’t know who touched me on the shoulder for those words of encouragement, and I don’t know exactly whose lives I have touched for the better, but I do know that I came back to site realizing how appreciated I am. I don’t talk to most of my group, and we don’t hang out altogether even when we are altogether, but I think we have a deep appreciation for everyone else, even if we don’t show it. I might not agree or get along with each and every volunteer. But like the puzzle pieces of struggle, we make up our group and we understand each other more than anyone else. I might not talk to a lot of these people when we get back to the US, but we have a bond that is stronger than most anyone else. And our appreciation for each other and the staff is something that’s always there, if not always shown.

How Do You Measure A Year?

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,

How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love, how about love, how about love?

Measure in love. Seasons of love, seasons of love.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned or in times that he cried.

In bridges he burned or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out though the story never ends

Let’s celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the life, (Oh you’ve got to, you’ve got to remember the life)

You know that love is a gift from up above.

Share love, head the love, spread love.

Measure your life in love

Seasons in love

When trying to decide how to mark a year as a sworn in Peace Corps Volunteer and being at site for a year, I thought of all the cheesy things I could use to help me express my past year. For my 6 months at site I marked it with 6 quotes that have helped me along the way, and with a year in country I marked it with a celebration of my dads and brothers trip to Ethiopia. To many back home, this year marker isn’t that big, because I left in July so to my family and friends, the year in country was a bigger deal to them. Their way of measuring how long I have been gone is different than how I measure it. However, for me those first 2.5 months in country in training were not as special to me. Sure, I learned a lot, experienced a lot, and made friends, but to me that was like riding a bike with the training wheels still on. My freedom and excitement really began once the training wheels came off and I had the freedom to go to new places all by myself.

RENT will always be one of my favorite musicals, and this song has a lot to do with it. I find sappy songs put to pictures to be extremely powerful, and I get goosebumps whenever I listen to this song and look back at my past. This song truly gives you an idea of what a year can hold. A January-December calendar year can be impressive, but sometimes 365 days from a certain date gives you more importance than New Years Eve and Day (especially when where you live celebrates a different New Years than the rest of the world!) I have taken a lot of pictures since getting to country and site, and looking back at those with this song playing gives me an even greater sense of what I have accomplished this year- as well as a reminder of what I have gained.

So, how do I measure my past year? With love and clips from RENT of course.

“In daylights”: I was privileged to grow up in New Mexico with some of the most gorgeous sunsets in the world, although I never fully grasped how lucky I was until I started waking up without those and the Sandia mountains. I am lucky, however to live in a place where the mountains, daylights, and sunsets are beautiful as well. They will never fully be home to me, but the landscape in Tigray reminds me enough of the 505, that I feel blessed to live in a place such as this. I climbed to the top of the mountain by my site a few months in, and although the treks up and back were awful, the view from above took my breath away. It was gorgeous, and pictures don’t do it justice. A few days ago I visited an orphanage in a nearby site and we climbed by a gorge and after rainy season it is green and lush and has a waterfall. South Ethiopia is known for their green and water, not the North, so to see colors as vivid as that by my site was spectacular. I don’t think I had ever felt such a sense of God’s creation until that moment.

“In sunsets”: I live on the top of a hill, and when I am outside my compound and walking home in the evening with the cool breeze as the sun is setting I feel safe and comfortable and I am glad to be living in this place, even on the hard days. God’s creation and sense of beauty really is all around, you just have to open your eyes and look. I can look back on my time in Ethiopia and count the number of days, as well as the number of nights. Some are difficult, some very meaningful. No matter how my day was spent however, it always ends with a sunset. A sunset marks the ending of a day, before the sunrise marks a fresh beginning. Sunsets remind me that no matter where in the world I am, no matter what the circumstances, there is a chance to start over with a fresh attitude and spirit at anytime.

“In midnights”: My bathroom is outside my room, and so occasionally when I have to make the few steps to the bathroom outside in the middle of the night I always have a sense that I’m going to run into something living, although I never have. I did walk into the shint bet and see a half eaten rat on the ground, but I would much prefer that to a live one. That’s just one of the many joys I get to deal with living in Ethiopia. It might seem like a terrifying story to someone back home, but to me and other fellow volunteers it’s just another laugh and anecdote to tell later. I grew up in the city, so I rarely had a chance to see the moon and stars to their fullest extent. Looking up at the stars and moon on those evenings at 2am (not exactly midnight, I know), it gives me a sense of just how small I am in the universe, but how much there is to explore and learn. It also reminds me that no matter where in the world I am, my friends and family are looking up at the same moon, and I feel that connection that I miss over here during the day.

“In cups of coffee”: In cups of coffee is made for Ethiopia. My days here are not complete without a coffee ceremony or at least a cup of coffee at a restaurant or café. Their coffee is more than a drink, it’s an experience. A coffee ceremony can last hours, but the chatter, laughter, and experience of that is something I have come to cherish and look forward to in this culture. In a year (or less than that) when I head home, I already know the buna ceremony is what I will miss the most. The random coffee invitations are what binds my memories together. I was a coffee drinker in the US, but it was out of convenience and need—student teaching, pulling all nighters, or “coffee dates” at Starbucks. I didn’t appreciate good coffee, I just appreciated the jolt and energy it gave me to keep me running from one thing to another. I got to Ethiopia and coffee began to have the opposite effect on me. Coffee to me is no longer something I use to go faster, it’s something I use to slow down and enjoy life. Holidays here aren’t complete without at least 2 buna ceremonies, it’s not a typical day without being invited to someone’s house for buna, and it’s normal to walk past at least 10 girls serving coffee on the side of the road to men on their breaks. Coffee in a lot of ways sums up my experience in Ethiopia. It’s the same everywhere, but the sense of what it holds and what it means is different. I have a new appreciation for the sense of community Ethiopia has, and the coffee ceremony is just one way that’s displayed.

“In inches”: Kids here run in bare feet all the time. It took me awhile to adjust my mindset to the fact that kids as little as 3 can run around neighborhoods and streets with no shoes or pants on and no parents in sight and that be totally ok. Driving through mountains there are kids seemingly hanging off the side of the mountains in the same position, and it’s accepted. If they are wearing shoes, they wear the jellies that the adults wear as well. Ethiopians are known for their track and field experience and being fast runners. We joke that they would do even better if you give them a pair of jellies, not track shoes. They might walk slowly on the street, but they can carry more than their body weight up a hill with jelly plastic shoes in 2 seconds, when I’m walking myself in shoes supposedly meant for the outdoors and I’m only half way up. I have learned here to always be surprised. Kids and adults here are capable of more than I ever thought possible. They are a mixture of clichés, and they embrace their differences. Their strength of walking from villages with straw or sticks on their backs, their joy of running with metal toys down a hill, or walking painfully slowly down the street, they do what needs to be done in the fashion they see fit—even if it’s different than what I expect. Their lives are measured by taking life inch by inch, whether barefoot or in plastic jellies.

“In miles”: Distances are measured here in kilometers, not inches and miles. There are rare signs on the road telling you how far a town or city is from where you are, you generally just drive on the road until you get to your destination. Roads here are perilous, with many accidents happening with cars, buses, animals, and people. Fellow volunteers have been in bus accidents, and I have a fellow teacher who died on the road. Riding in a mini bus (or a big bus), you always say a little prayer before the driver starts moving. They cram more people than you ever thought possible into the buses, they overcharge most of the time, Ethiopians close all the windows, even when one of them gets sick which is almost inevitable. Goats, sheep, cows, donkeys, and occasionally people wander into the road and drivers swerve not to hit them. Drives can be up to more than double what they should be depending on the driver, the bus station, and your fellow passengers. However, on the rare moments when the bus is smooth, it is great to look out onto the countryside and see the beauty that people think of when they think of Africa. No place in the country is easy to get to which can make it difficult to see the country I live in, but sometimes the journey is the most interesting part.

“In laughter”: I have had more laughter than I thought possible. On the hard days when I haven’t laughed it can be difficult to remember how to smile, but sometimes the most random things happen to make me smile and laugh. Whether it’s my fellow volunteers, my students, my compound and neighborhood kids, a good bit of media, or just a random sighting or moment, my time here in Adwa can be remembered with a lot of laughter. I have found a second family in my compound family here. I live in a compound inside of a compound, with the larger one holding many families, all with young kids who I have come to claim as “mine”. They run up to me with the biggest smiles and arms open to be twirled every time I see them. They can make me smile even on my hardest days, and taking selfies with them is the funniest thing to orchestrate. My land ladies are the sweetest people I have ever had the privilege to meet, and they have adopted me as another daughter. Sharing coffee with them, or just talking with them when I’m doing laundry or reading makes for a truly special experience.

“In strife”: I have had my fair share of both of these this past year, although I don’t know if strife would be the right word. I have gotten along with pretty much everyone at my site, and those I have not great feelings towards I tend to ignore, not cause strife. I have had difficulties with people and situations, and I have felt like wanting to give up on multiple occasions. I tend to write my happy moments, but only my friends here and my journals know exactly all my hardships. However, I try to take them as learning points and to make myself a stronger person. I have yet to be put in an uncomfortable position with men in my town, but I have friends who have gone through more than anyone deserves. I think the hardest part of seeing them go through those struggles is knowing I can’t do anything to help them. I can be there for support, and that’s about it. These situations might happen in America, but it’s a lot easier to escape from a situation, person, or feelings when you can drive elsewhere, choose to not see that person, or have a coping mechanism. Being here can be extremely difficult to deal with any hardship, without that escape route. The past year has shown me that it’s essential to choose how to handle those hardships and strife, and that it’s up to you to create your own sense of happiness—you can’t depend on anything or anyone else.

“In truths that she learned”: I am learning a lot about myself since getting to site. In high school and college I always kept myself busy, so I never had much time to do self-reflection and I was surrounded by people who I tried to emulate. However, being at site by myself I have had a lot of time to reflect and think about myself, my past and future, as well as the relationships I have with people and life in general. The idea that I’m in a new and different situation and environment has changed me for the good and bad. I think everyone in Peace Corps can agree that already a year into site and they are not the same people they came in as. Parts of our personalities become more pronounced as we deal with different things than we ever had to at home. I am beginning to find truth in myself and the world around me, through reflecting and looking around in a new way. I am also really beginning to understand how similar and yet different humans are. In many ways all humans share the same emotions and have the same abilities. My students here are just as brilliant as my students back home, weddings here are just as happy affairs as those in America, and the same sadness is felt when a tragedy happens. However, culture plays a difference in how people interact with each other. I have had to balance how I am the same and yet different from the people I am surrounded with. I can no longer wear shorts outside my house, I don’t really smile at people on the street, and I have to watch what time I get home at night. No matter where you live, there is good and bad, but how that is perceived and treated can be different, and I am continuing to learn that every day.

“Or in times that he cried”: I have had my times of crying here. Whether it be because I’m so frustrated with my school or students, a stupid person on the street, not feeling well and being sick, or just missing my family and friends and comforts of home. I wish I could say I have a coping strategy, but sometimes curling up in bed with chocolate, a soft blanket and stuffed animal, and having a good cry is all you can do. Tears never came naturally to me in America, so it’s a weird experience that I have cried so much here. But the stress of it all and sometimes questioning what I am doing here is enough to make the tears come. As I already talked about, it’s essential in an environment like this to realize your own coping strategy and embrace it. Mine is different than a fellow PCV’s. It can be hard to cope some days, when all you want to do is leave. My students have made me cry out of frustration more times than I can count, rude people on the street leave me wanting to go home, and on the days where I just want to shut the world out but the power goes out makes me want to scream. But, it’s how you take those hardships and difficulties and remind yourself that every one of those is a learning opportunity, that really helps build you up and keeps you going—even when you don’t want to anymore.

“In bridges he burned”: I haven’t burned bridges here. I have not always gone back to organizations and connections that my old site mates made while they were here, but I have not done anything to burn their bridges for other people. I have begun to realize who from home should be in my life and who doesn’t deserve to be. Many people are supporting me through this, but I have finally accepted that those who don’t help me in my life don’t need to be in it, I don’t need to try to fit them in if they don’t want to be there, it just took me living across the world to accept that. Being away from the Internet and not having much time to interact with friends and family back home puts a strain on many relationships. I knew that I would miss engagements, weddings, births, and graduations. I didn’t realize there would be so many, or that it would take such a toll on me. I have lost touch with friends I had hoped I would continue to be in touch with. But, being in a different place has shown me who my true friends are. My family has been nothing but supportive, but I have always known I have the best. My friends who have continued to help me have really shown me how loved and blessed I am. I also didn’t realize until now how amazing it is to be a part of Chi Omega. I have gotten more support from my sisters than I thought I would ever get. Girls who I wasn’t really close to before have stepped up to lift me up, and those who I cherished before have grown closer. In many ways, this year has shown me how to build bridges stronger, not burn them.

“Or the way that she died”: Knock on wood- I have yet to be called to hear that any of my family has died while I am over here. My cousin came too close for comfort, but he is doing much better now and I am eternally grateful for that. Hearing he got in an accident and not knowing if he was going to make it was probably the most stressed and heartbroken I have ever been. Knowing he got better and improved, and then seeing him when I visited home was the most relief I have ever felt. I have yet to go to a funeral here, although I have been to many weddings (I prefer the weddings). However, I have seen the sadness that accompanies funerals, because I live right by a church. The circle of life and the idea that life is so fragile has always been apparent to me, but seeing funerals much more open here and hearing the music (they have music they play whenever someone dies) almost every day, I really get the sense that life is precious. As mentioned in “in bridges he burned”, I have truly amazing family, friends, and sisters. That being said, I think I take their friendship and support for granted. Every time I get in a mini bus (mostly) I always say a little prayer to get me to my destination safely. So far that prayer has worked. I know that death is inevitable (scary, I know…) but I hope I have a while before I have to experience that with anyone close to me, back home or here. I was in Ethiopia when 2 of my fellow Greeks at UNM died in a car crash. Although I didn’t know either of them personally, many of my close friends and fellow sisters did. Seeing the outpouring of love and support on media really made me realize how precious life is, and how sometimes only the good do die young.

“Seasons of Love” gives a great dialogue for a year, and in a lot of ways it sums up my experience here. I cannot even begin to describe everything I have experienced, learned, and seen. Pictures do some visuals justice, words do describe some moments, but generally I think my experience will stay with me. I wish I was able to have everyone walk in my shoes, to see what I have seen and learn what I have learned, but that’s sadly not possible.

My students, neighbors, and random people on the street have taught me more about life and exploration than I will ever teach them. Their sense of love, family, and fun has given me a new perspective that I will take with me forever. On the flip side, I have been shown that sometimes cultural differences can be too much and that people with bad intentions are everywhere.

I have experienced hardship that no one back home will ever understand, no matter how much I explain. Peace Corps and living here can be extremely difficult and my year hasn’t always been rosy. There have been times where I have looked around, questioned all of myself and my life decisions, and thought about calling my parents to tell them I’m coming home. I have had many days where I’m just fed up with everything and everyone and shut out the world with a book and music. There have been times where I have come very close to hitting a student or a guy at the bus station.

At the same time, my time can be summed up with random moments of laughter and excitement. I have gotten to see and learn new things that I didn’t know were possible. My compound and neighborhood kids braiding my hair and coloring in the rain, horseback riding through Ethiopian mountains, drinking coffee at 8pm, dancing in a traditional dress at a wedding, or laughing with fellow Volunteers at midnight while drinking wine. These are the random and little moments that I string together to remind me why I haven’t made that phone call and why I struggle through the hard times.

A year can’t be measured in a song, in a blog post, or even in pictures. The memories and experiences are strictly your own and will continue to stay with you. Pictures, journals, and posts help you remember your year, but a year is an experience. I sometimes struggle with how I will get through the next year, but then I remember how fast the past year went. Some days it felt impossibly long, but looking back the year seemed to fly by. Through teaching, living, and learning I know that my life will be much fuller when I am back with this year of Peace Corps in my life. Every moment is a learning experience, for good and bad. If that’s true, then my past year has held enough learning experiences to cover the rest of my life.

As the cover of my first journal I used in country says: “Life is a journey, not a destination”. Sometimes I forget that quote, and I just want to get to the end. On the hard days I close my eyes and count to when it will be the next day so I can begin again. On the good days I just want time to slow- neither of which works as I want. I am sometimes so preoccupied with getting to the end of my service, that I forget to look around and experience everything. This is my life, it doesn’t start when I get home—I’m living it now, through the good and the bed. Even in the hardest moments, my life is full of enough love from friends and family back home and people here to help me measure my year as an official Peace Corps Volunteer.

So how do I measure my first year as a Peace Corps Volunteer? In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes full of love.