Life Lessons From A Toddler

Recently my land niece has been spending a lot of time in my compound. Her mom got a new job, so she has been at our house and in my compound every day for the past about week and most of the evenings until one of her parents comes to fetch her. The sense of community is such that everyone in the compound watches out for her, not just her blood family, although she tends to entertain herself or play with the other toddlers and babies that live in my extended compound. I teach morning shift this week, so I leave before she gets to my house, but when I come home after class she has been here with a smile on her face when I walk through the door and then proceeds to keep me company both in my room and when I am inevitably invited out to buna, sewa, and/or food by the adults in my compound.

I have come to discover that entertaining toddlers for more than about 30 minutes is exhausting (shout out to all the parents out there!), but I have also come to learn some valuable life lessons from this 2.5 year old. And I think in all honesty, we could all use a little education from the children of the world.

Patience: As the saying goes, “Patience is a virtue.” Well, that’s something I learn everyday over here, and not just from Meeran. I learn it everyday from my students, to strangers on the street, to dealing with iffy network, power, and water. But toddlers tend to try your patience more than most. They don’t understand social and body cues that adults catch, which means that unless you are very strict with them, they will continue their behavior, and even then they might not listen. She loves playing with my Ethiopian phone and iPhone and looking at pictures, which keeps her entertained, until she tries to delete things without realizing or meaning to. When I try to take it away from her, she begins to cry. Not in a spoiled sort of way, but she just doesn’t understand. She will also stand outside my door repeating my name, which is adorable the first 10 times, but not so much when I’m actually trying to be productive. It’s the little things that might bug me, but continuously show me that patience is a virtue, and remind me to breath in and out.

Persistence: As I said in the above paragraph, this little one has some persistence. I don’t think she means to, it’s just in her brain to continue whatever she enjoys doing, which she doesn’t realize can interfere with how “grown ups” are running their lives. However, she has shown me that persistence really can work. Whether someone gives in just because they get so annoyed they want you to stop, or whether someone realizes how passionate you are about something, persistence can help you achieve a goal—whether it’s something like scheduling a meeting with someone, wanting to view pictures on a phone, or getting help on a project, or many other things in life.

Curiosity: I remember when I was younger wanting to learn all about the world. Although I was never a super out-doorsy child I did walk around and point to every living thing at one point and ask what it was. I know the big question adults’ dread is when their kids reach the age of “Why?” Children ask that all the time, but I think as adults we need to have the same curiosity. Children ask because they genuinely want to learn about the world around them, not necessarily for some big and important meaning like adults tend to. But when they show that curiosity, they begin to understand how and why things work and happen and can apply that to their lives. Toddlers ask “Why?” and “What?” a lot more than adults. As we grow up we might still have the same curiousity but not voice it because we afraid we are too annoying to someone else, but children don’t have that worry. Meeran asks me this constantly, and I can’t answer because I don’t speak Tigrinya well enough. But hearing her ask me that every 5 seconds reminds me that curiosity about the world and life is something that I should have more of, because there is so much to learn and try to understand.

Comfort: Children tend to give comfort without even realizing it. They have such an innocence about them, that when you need a smile, they can give you one without shedding their own. On many of the days I have been greeted by the smile of a toddler or child on the street or in my house it’s been a day where I have been wearing a frown of frustration or sadness. I might have had a long day, but the simple act of having a toddler sit on your lap, make faces at you, or give you a hug can be enough to make you smile from ear to ear and leave you going to sleep happier than a few hours before. This is also shown by the love of her mom and dad, her aunt, and the multitude of other adults that watch over her. Whenever she gets down and starts to cry, they are right there to pick her up, rock her, and get her to stop crying by comfort or humor. She doesn’t realize yet how important those relationships are, but they are something I crave now that I am older. We could all use toddlers as an example of how to comfort someone who is having a hard time—not by crawling into their laps or even through physical contact (although a hug can be extremely helpful), but sometimes a kind word or even something as simple as a smile is the comfort a friend, family member, or stranger on the street needs.

Love: Love is a word that is used a lot for many different relationships. I have come to learn that love is something you feel for someone else when they are there for you through everything, no matter the time or distance. Ethiopian communities are full of love, and so are children around the world. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the bond of family while here, especially missing my own family so much. And I think Meeran shows love more than most. The younger you are, the more you show and feel love, the more you wear your heart on your sleeve, and the more you let love win over anger and hate. I can feel the love she has for her parents, her aunts, her uncles, and me whenever she smiles, whenever she hugs me or them, and whenever she whispers “I love you” like her parents have taught her to say. I don’t think you need to “love” everyone around you, but I think the world would be a much happier place if everyone decided that they deserve love and are capable of it. Then take that and show the people around them their feelings, because even though showing your love without any wall is difficult and puts you in a place of vulnerability, I think the world needs more unconditional love, which is what toddlers and children show every day.

Joy: Joy is a human emotion that spans every age, gender, race, and location in the world. I think joy is just shown more by children, because they tend to find even the smallest things full of fun and happiness. Children here will play with a tire or a piece of wire for hours on end and smile just as much as when they started. Meeran laughs and smiles at absolutely everything and I can just tell that she is enjoying the world around her much more than the adults surrounding her at buna, including myself. I have been trying to find the little things that make me happy recently instead of concentrating on the hardships, and spending so much time with children has helped that, because they find almost everything to be fun and full of joy. I’m not saying they are happy all the time, because Meeran cries quite often, but she bounces back as soon as I start making a funny face at her, or until her mom hugs her. She played for hours with a punch balloon I brought back from the States, and her joy was evident on her face. I think we all need to take a page from Meeran and other kids and remember to find joy in the little things, because happiness is all around us.

I try not to watch the news, even when I get the opportunity, because it just makes me sad. Seeing so many stories of adults who hurt others on purpose make me wonder what happened to them in the past to tell them it is ok to think like that. As Nelson Mandela once said, “I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite… Man’s goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never extinguished.” And I believe that to be true, even with everything awful that is happening in the world. Children are innocent, but I think they also understand more about treating each other with kindness and love, and as we grow older we begin to forget that.

I have spent a great deal of time with children in the States teaching them and here with the children in my community, and I have come to learn more about life, the world around me, and how to treat others through watching them interact with each other and the world as a whole. Children, especially toddlers approach life with a curiosity, a passion, unconditional love, acceptance, and joy that I think we all could take a lesson from to apply to our own lives. Only by reverting back to some of what we valued in childhood can I think our world become a better place.

My Why...

           When I tell people I am part of the Peace Corps I get a variety of responses. They range from, “What’s the Peace Corps?”, “Oh hey, I served in the Peace Corps too!” (This tends to lead to a very long PC lengthy discussion about our services), to “I wanted to do that and then life happened”, “Tell me about it, I’m thinking about doing something like that”, to “That’s so cool!”, but the most common one is a single word, “Why?”

            I began to get really annoyed with it, until I realized I didn’t always know the answer to that word myself, and then I began to self-doubt myself. Why did I decide to move across the world, give up everything I was familiar with, leave my home that I have lived in for 22 years and my friends and family, and start my life in a new and very different place, teaching kids 10 years older than what I’m used to, adjusting to brand new food, language, and over all way of life with people I am not sure whether I will like or not. When you think about it like that, you probably think I’m crazy, and I began to think that as well.

            Before I came I thought about my reasoning a little bit, but having visited home and having to answer that question a lot more, I began to self-reflect about my decision and the experiences I have had so far to answer that one word, “Why?”

            Everyone in my group, in Peace Corps, and in general people that travel all have their reasoning’s. So here is mine: I want to leave the world a better place than how I joined it, I want to change people’s lives, and I want to experience the world in a deeper way than just viewing it from the outside.

I am not going to say that me coming in and teaching for 2 years is making the world a better place, that would be way too self-righteous and would give myself and organizations like Peace Corps too much credit. Yes, there are ways in which I think Ethiopia could develop and become more effective, but in no way is the way I think better than the way they think. My community functions and has many things that I wish my community in America could learn from. I merely think that if I can help even one of my students realize their abilities and worth, help my neighbors improve their English to enhance their job getting abilities to support their families, or even just spread awareness of America and what it’s really like to Ethiopians, than I am improving the world, even if it’s a tiny ripple.

            I am a teacher, which means I automatically change people’s lives because of the nature of my work. Education is a personal thing to people, and most people have many stories both good and bad about their education and specific teachers, whether they changed their lives for the better or worse, all educators have the ability to touch their students’ lives. I just decided I wanted to touch lives in a place unfamiliar to myself. To get myself out of my comfort zone and see what else is out there. Since being here that passion has grown to really extend to my female students and helping them realize their full potential in a country with many gender equality issues still in place.

            When I grew up everyone around me also grew up in New Mexico (for the most part). Not that that’s a bad thing, New Mexico is a beautiful place. But I never felt like I truly belonged there, I have always wanted to travel and see the world. Recently my PCV friends and I had a hilarious discussion about what we would do if we won the massive Powerball lottery. While most people would buy houses or cars, we all wanted to travel. My life goal is to fill passports with stamps. I do want to settle down and have a house and a dog and kids and a husband and all that jazz, but that doesn’t mean I can’t experience and explore the world. That being said, I wanted to experience the world outside of “the tourist” mentality, outside of hotels and recommended restaurants, outside of relaxing and easy tourism. I wanted to experience a different culture and world from inside, being able to tell funny and sad anecdotes from the people themselves, not just see an attraction and eat some food and pretend I know the place when I leave on a plane.

            I still don’t have a clear and concise answer to those that ask me this question. My answer tends to change with the day I have had, what mood I’m in, and how philosophical I’m feeling. But I do know that my idea of experiencing the world, learning about myself, and touching people’s lives will always hold true. I will probably change my answer continuously, especially when I get home, as my full service will be done and I can bring what I learned from there.

            I have found it challenging but rewarding to have to answer that question of why I am doing this. On my hard and frustrating days, which have been a lot closer and more frequent recently, I have to remind myself why I am in fact doing this. So on the days where you want to give up what you are doing, whether that be a job, a hobby, or a relationship with someone I want you to think to yourself, “Why am I doing this?” and remind yourself why you started that in the first place. There were obvious benefits, or else you would not have gotten yourself into it, so remind yourself of those so that you can continue on your journey to get the most out of the experience, because sometimes the answer of “Why?” is the most important part of your strength and conviction.

Dear Chi Omega

Dear Chi Omega,

            Thank you for imparting on me role models to look up to. I have always had strong female leaders in my life, in my family, parents friends, teachers and my own friends, but Chi Omega has given me a chance to really find people my own age (and younger) to guide me. I have been helped by their actions, words, and character. My sisters have shown me how to be strong, how to be true to yourself, how to help others, how to be kind, and how to be selfless. They have helped guide me to be my own person, to love unconditionally, to be a pillar of support for others, to be a role model for everyone around me, and they have helped me feel like I am special to someone.

            Thank you for confirming for me how I am an important part of something so much bigger than myself. Sometimes I can feel like my life is insignificant and that I am not making an impact. Sometimes life gets you down and you don’t know why you continue to work hard with no results. Chi Omega taught me that no matter the difference you are making, no matter how small you may seem, you are a part of something much larger than yourself and you are important.

            Thank you for showing me how relationships are meant to be maintained, and how significant they can be in life. I have met so many amazing women as a part of an active member of Pi Gamma, and Chi Omega as a whole. I have a random mix of friends as a result, from my sisters to my fellow Greeks. I have become close to many of them through shared interests, random moments, and both tragedy and triumph. I have had a hard time maintaining some of these relationships across the world, while others have become stronger. There have been ties that have been cut, I have been hurt by some of the people closest to me, and it’s been a difficult road for some of us. However, through all of that, I have come to realize that some people can’t belong in your life, but those that stick it out and support you no matter what are the friendships to hold onto. Even those who can’t stay in your life have helped build you up, even through those tests. The friendships that you form in your life will help you become the person you are, and will hold strength for you. Your friends and sisters will be there for you and help you grow, flourish, and become a much better person than you thought you could ever be.

            Thank you for aiding me in realizing how important lessons are to learn, both good and bad. Times can get tough and not every moment is going to be happy. But no matter what happens, it happens for a reason. Even in the hardest times, lessons are being learned and you are growing as a person. In the happy moments, those also help you grow as a person, but in a different way. Both times and memories are meant to help you flourish and become a better women than you were before. Chi Omega showed me how to take those lessons and moments of trial and triumph and help them mold me into a stronger woman.

            Thank you for expressing to me that no matter what, the people I share ideals with will help me on my path in life. I have sisters that share the same principles and they want the same things from life, but I also have those that differ in a lot of ways. Our common bond however is that we are a part of Chi Omega. I have also found solace in men and women from other Greek organizations. Our bond may not be that we are a part of the same organization, but we all are working towards something bigger than ourselves, and with that knowledge we are able to make friendships in a system that helps us grow as people.

            Thank you for giving me memories that will last a lifetime. From the random late night food runs to study sessions, from crying on shoulders from sadness to laughing until you cry, Chi Omega gave me some of the best moments in my college life and in turn in my life in general. I have so many pictures that capture the good times, but so many more in my head that have helped me when I’m feeling down. The good, great, fun, and amazing times I had with my sisters have helped me when I need a pick me up, because they remind me that life really is great, and I am so blessed to be a part of this organization. The little moments and things are the ones that stick with you the most. Whether it’s a kind smile from a sister, a word of encouragement, a “thank you” from someone, laughing on the red couch, late night Zimmerman study times, or Greek Week wins, those are the most significant times, and I’m learning that more than ever in Peace Corps—to take the small moments because they will become the defining time of your life and your experiences.

            Thank you for helping me feel at home, no matter where in the world I am. When I was in college I didn’t want to feel like 1 person in thousands, as my university was so much bigger than my high school. When I joined Chi Omega, I came into a family and I felt right at home at 1810 Mesa Vista Rd. When I graduated and moved across the world, I felt isolated and alone a lot. But I found a home in the Symphony I look at every morning, the pictures on my wall from my time in the house, the words of support and encouragement online from my sisters back home, the support of a fellow Chi Omega in my Peace Corps group, and the knowledge that I still belong to this great sisterhood, even across the world.

            Thank you for revealing to me that my stubbornness in not wanting to go through recruitment and then not wanting to follow my family was stupid. I was hoping to not like Chi Omega, so I could be my own person, but after pref night and how I felt, I knew Chi Omega was the place for me, and I’m so right. Although I have grown, made friends, traveled, explored, and learned outside of Chi Omega, that really helped me become the person I am today. I would not be in Ethiopia, I would not be as outgoing, thoughtful, or kind as I am if it weren’t for my membership in Chi Omega.

            Chi Omega has helped me in more ways than I can ever express in words, but between it’s ideals, it’s membership, and the sisters I have met along the way, it deserves a little recognition. To all my sisters who have helped me from near and far, both in huge ways and in the small moments, thank you.